Heartbreaks and heart attacks

I slept on the couch last night because my back has been hurting so bad. This morning I actually heard the screeching tires on the car out front and later when I was fixing the coffee, my neighbor tapped on the window to tell me one of our cats was in the road dead. Not knowing which one it was and fearing it was Zander, I went to retrieve it before Steve saw it. Fortunately, and I know that's really sad to say, it wasn't Zander.... it was Aphrodite (Aphy) I carried her back to the house, laid her on the patio and continued my morning routine of coffee and breakfast. It was then that I realized how part of my morning routine was missing. Zander was ALWAYS underfoot at this time and I was always having to step over him. So I went upstairs to see if he was with Steve..... no, so I went back outside to have another look at the cat I THOUGHT was Aphy. OH MY GOD... how was I going to tell Steve that Zander was dead. Would I wait until this evening???? I couldn't, because I would want to bury him before then. What should I do.... it would ruin Steves day. I searched for Zander once again to make sure. Normally Aphy is up in the yard somewhere this time of day. When I called the cats, all but Zander and Aphy showed up and since Zander was normally already in our way, the decision was made. It was Zander that had been killed. Damn it to hell..... why did we have to have identical cats!!! I hated this not knowing. Maybe installing a cat door was the wrong thing. If we hadn't let them out they'd all still be safe and alive! First Blaze and now Zander.... I just couldn't bear to see Steve hurt like this, but he had to know. I asked Steve if he had meetings this morning and he said no. I looked him dead in the eyes and said, "Zander has been hit and killed, he's on the back patio." He stood there not sure of what I had said, so I repeated it and took him outside to see. I left him alone and came back inside. Eventually he came back in and as if in denial, went on his own search for Zander. Once upstairs he just sat down and cried. I sat quietly on the sofa and held myself together remembering the coolest cat in the world and how he always had to set the bar, and how he was now with his best friend Blaze. Steve came back downstairs, joined me on the sofa and we sat there talking and laughing and crying over Zander. Steve said how dinner would never be the same now because there would be no Zander to climb onto his full belly and massage it for him. I had even realized by this point that it was the 7th month anniversary of when we lost Blaze, which caused even more tears to flow, and how appropriate that Zander would join his best buddy Blaze on this day........... when he walked in. I can't begin to explain the shock. There he was, Zander!! We both bust out laughing. Where in the hell had he been? and why was it OK for him to be alive and not as sad that Aphy died? I guess he really IS our favorite cat. Poor Aphy, now that we definitely knew it was her, it all seemed so understandable. Watching her fall off the walls and run into things and lets not forget.... Steve always said she was cross-eyed. Somehow it all made sense. She was the "simple" one. Not so agile, not so smart.... not quite retarded, but you get the picture. I guess because we expected her to be the first to have an accident, it was somehow easier to accept. Releasing our kitties into the world gave them freedom. At least Aphy didn't die unhappy. She had the best of both worlds up until that fateful moment when she leaped from that rock onto that approaching bug coming down the hill. Unfortunately for Aphy, that bug had tires. Of course we're only assuming it was a VW, but we know it was a car. I know what time I was awakened by the screeching tires, so I'm pretty positive it was a morning commuter on their way to the train station. I can't blame them completely, but they could slow down a little. Hopefully Aphy at least caused them to spill their coffee or better yet, poke an eye out with a mascara brush. I wouldn't want her death to be in vain. Since we both burst out in laughter, we sort of scared Zander. He just stood there looking at us like we were completely off our rockers. Steve scooped him up into his arms and immediately asked him .... "Zander, How WAS the other side?" Zander just blinked and settled himself across steves lap..... as usual, while I went to make sure there was still a dead kitty on the patio. This is just too much for my heart. To think something you loved had been ripped from you, suffer through all the emotion of that loss and then have it suddenly re-appear. Endorphins to the rescue!!!! I'm glad Zander returned to us. I'm sorry Aphy is gone. I hope she didn't suffer long. She was still warm when I cradled her in my arms and brought her home. I gave her collar to her sister Venus. Dash and I will bury her on the back hill alongside Loba this morning. Here's to Miss Aphrodite.... Innocence...... I believe all animals are born with it. Some just carry that trait into adulthood... and Aphy was one of those who did so with gumption. She was one of two little sisters we adopted from Friends of Felines, a cat rescue near Hagerstown, MD. I remember when they came home with me, Steve nearly went through the roof. Six cats..... SIX CATS!?!?!? I forget how many dogs we had at the time, but we had a houseful. Her and her sister Venus not only amused us, but were immediately adopted by our boys Zander and Marquis. Our older girls Moby and Scotty who we recently renamed Bette and Joan really didn't care for kittens, but at least tolerated them. They were always into something as kittens are, but their favorite thing to do was climb the speakers, so we covered them with heavy fabric to save the screens. Problem solved and we hoped Aphy would learn to be more agile with more to hold onto, sadly that didn't happen. This year we finally put in cat doors. After discussing it for many years we broke down and installed two. The week before I actually put the cat door in, I simply opened the window over the back porch. I wanted them to get used to the idea, but have an easy and quick retreat back inside should they need to. The first cat to cross over into this unfamiliar world was none other than Aphy. The most timid and awkward of our colony was the most bold. How ironic that she also be the first to crossover to Rainbows Bridge. Now it seems as if our kitties have been outdoor cats their whole lives. They've established routines and weird little traits all based on their own comfort level. Aphy, she had some comfort levels too.... usually in some soft dirt on the patio. I'm not sure if she really enjoyed laying in my pots or if it was the fact that she was directly underneath the bird feeder that made it so comfortable. For whatever reason she chose to lay there, she remains the only kitty that ever slept there. Now she'll sleep here forever. Goodbye Miss Aphy, travel well little girly. We'll miss you.