I saw the sun today

For days I've been a hollow shell with fingers made of lead that fell upon the keyboard loud and angry. Hurting... pain and loneliness surrounds me every second of the day. The memory of recent laughter seems lost in some clouded distant past. I lie awake and wish for sleep. I sleep and am constantly reminded in my dreams that I wear a cloak of despair. I wake and I wish for sleep. I've been here before. I hate myself for feeling this way and I hate the world for not noticing, yet I would deny anything was wrong if someone asked. All I need is some sunshine but how do I put my shoes on. Why do I care if I feel better. Nobody else does. I know this is temporary, but it's so debilitating. The anger the pain the dark shadows that surround everything and everyone. What's HIS problem.... .what's SHE looking at???? Why can't they see I'm a time bomb and leave me alone? Why can't they see I'm bleeding.................... I'm dying inside. My only solace is darkness............. food.... close the curtains and feed the sadness. The phone rings and I laugh.... tell a joke..... make them laugh...... make them think all is well. The phone rings and I can't even look at it. If I answer I'll have to be someone I can't be right now...... so I let the machine get it. I listen to the message and I don't care. Why should I..... what difference could I have made by answering the call.... none. Nobody needs hollow answers. Back to my darkness... back to my wish for sleep. What comes of unanswered desire? Silent rage replaces hope and the pain in my chest grows slowly like the sound of a solo drum beat in the distance. Could I truly be going insane? Why am I concerned? With insanity comes compassion, right? Insanity is recognizable and well...... no I'm not insane.... I'm only one of the millions lost in an inescapable fog of skull crushing sadness they call depression. I'm better now. I saw the sun today. :)