My Kiwi 5 ~ 31 ~ 15

 

July 30th 2014
My life changed forever.

 

Animal control called, like so many times before.
"We've got one for you, Dean".
That's all they ever have to say anymore, and I know to just go to the shelter.
What I usually find is a dog so abused and neglected that it practically takes a miracle to save them.
What I found this day, was a sad, yet fiercely indifferent, sweet little schipperke.

 

It took all of three days before she would even look me in the eye, but on that 3rd day, she turned and licked my nose.
This was Loves First Kiss.
Although she immediately looked away again. I knew I was in Love,
I also knew I'd be getting many more of those sweet little kisses.

 She had this strange habit of sleeping upside down and when she did, three of her only 5 teeth could be seen making her look like a slumbering Fruit Bat. This is what we lovingly called her, most of the time... our little Fruit Bat, but we had already settled that her name would be Kiwi.

It wasn't long at all before this angel was my permanent shadow. She slept by my head, she bit my feet when she wanted my attention, she'd go crazy when I returned home, much more so than any of the other dogs in the house.
I really was smitten with this yappy, always Happy little girl.

 

These were the eyes that melted my heart.
I could never say no to this face. She had become like oxygen to me. I was calm in her presence.
I relaxed with her in my arms. I could breathe again on stressful days with just a lick from her tiny tongue.

 She was my partner in Crime.
Kiwi Loved the Farm stores.
Everyone knew her and she knew how to win their hearts as well.

Kiwi even tolerated my attempts to be creative.
Yes, she pretty much did whatever I wanted her to do and I paid the price.
I also did whatever she wanted ME to do.

My upside down little Schipperkiwi

 

Eleven Months is how long she stayed part of my life.
July 30th 2014 to June 31st 2015

The first month I had her, she suffered a terrible cluster seizure.
It lasted over an hour. Immediately I had her to the vet and we started meds to help with this condition.
The seizures continued and although they weren't as severe, they were more often.
Many months of medication later, we decided to take her Off the drugs.
We changed her diet, the seizures stopped....
for a little while.
When they returned.... it was like watching her die every month.

Cluster Seizures that would last 90 minutes. Kiwi would be unresponsive and just as I would
make the call to let them know I was bringing her in... she would
snap out of it and run outside to go potty....
as if nothing had happened.

In between these random seizures, Kiwi would suffer bouts of bloody stool. This would happen for a day or two and then stop.
We had gotten used to the cycle. Seizure.... bloody stool.... fine again.
This time, the bloody stool didn't follow a seizure, it just started.
Late in the evening, there it was a few puddles of bloody poop.
Then we woke this morning, to several puddles on several pee pads. This was accompanied by vomiting and even More bloody stool, until the stool was just blood.
I gave her sub Q fluids to keep her from dehydrating, but as the day went on, she left us.
Kiwi was gone. What was lying in my arms was the shell of what was Kiwi.
She would stare into nothing and wouldn't or couldn't make eye contact with me.
This was the end.

 Each time she suffered a
seizure, my heart just ached.
I couldn't bear to see her in such
a confused and what appeared to be, painful situation.

It was killing me to think each time, that she was dying.
I've never lost one dog so many times.
Once, we really believed she did die. No breathing, no heartbeat and just when we all burst into tears..... her eyes flew open wide and she wanted down, so she could run outside.

My Kiwi.
So Happy, so Sweet, so Lovable and just a fireball of energy.
Always the Alpha, never giving in with the other dogs.
Picking fights with 100 lb Labs, and Positive she would win.

 Never more than a few feet from my feet, Loved the sun and LOVED to be legs in the air.
I've not known a dog like her and I likely won't meet another ever again.

 

I once had a little girl named Lexi, she was my sunshine. She made me smile even on the saddest days. She was pure goodness and if you had the opportunity to ever meet her, then your life will forever be better because of it.

Kiwi, was my Oxygen.
Tonight, when I knew she wouldn't be recovering like all those times before, I made that call.
I carried her to the car, I kissed her head, wrapped her in a soft blanket and put her alongside me for that last ride.
The rain was coming down so hard, there were cars hydroplaning and some were pulled onto the shoulder of the highway.
I didn't care, because I couldn't see the road for my tears. I couldn't breathe.
I gasped for air and words and thought and all there was, was pain in my chest where lungs should have been.
We drove on through the storm.
I just kept stroking her head and by now I had calmed myself, so that I could sing to her.
I loved to sing to Kiwi. I told her stories of adventures I had had with Lexi and how I would share the stories of adventures I had had with her, with others.

We weren't but a few miles from our destination when Kiwi, who hadn't been able to really focus on anyone almost all day, raised her head and looked straight at me.
"What's This?", I said.
Could she be snapping out of it one more time?
That's when she violently threw her head back with one last seizure.
Head back, stiffened and she was gone.
Oh Hell...... Why can't I breathe?
Why does it hurt So bad?
She was still alive but she wasn't responsive.
Why had I waited so long?
What selfish bastard allows something so wonderful and innocent to suffer this long.
I wanted to just die with her.
How could I continue to live when my oxygen was dying.
What would keep me alive tomorrow?

We're There.... that room, where all dogs die.
That Place where misery is cast aside for Peace.
The Needle pierced her vein....
I held her so tight I could feel my own heart pounding.

Gone.... she's gone.
Why am I not dead?
Why am I screaming and unable to make a sound?
She never moved.
Her eyes never closed.
She didn't gasp, or cry.
One second I was holding the definition of unconditional love and now, nothing.
Her soul had left me as peacefully and as beautifully as that first kiss she ever gave me.
Loves first Kiss was now a memory.

A memory that would help me breathe again.

No more pain, no more sadness.
Kiwi is forever in my Heart.