One of THOSE families

Steve and I went to FL for his family reunion. Now I don't know anyone who says,"I'm going to my family reunion, YAY!!!" Usually that comment is accompanied with eye rolls, maybe sweaty palms and occassionally passing out, but rarely ever is it associated with a gleeful like demeanor. Now add FL as the location and it gets even scarier. On top of that.... add the fact that we're taking AMTRAK to get there. Not only might we NEVER make it, spending 17 hrs with a bunch of Seizure World Escapees in diapers and those forbidden to fly can only be described as terrifying. We left our Jeep at Shady Grove Metro which is our closest Metro stop to DC, and headed into town. Union Station is always busy, but get there at lunch.... Holy Hell!!!! WARNING!!! If you've never been to Union Station.... DON'T let your first time be lunchtime. We were both seasoned Washingtonians at one time, so we could sit back and laugh at all the madness. Our train was on time and we thought maybe this is a good sign.... until we got on the train. Our seat assignment which was given to us before we stepped aboard was already occupied and unfortunately for us, by the 15 yr old son of some trash mouth trailer park heiffer from Baltimore MD, who just happenned to be seated directly in front of him. Come to find out, after listening to her bitch out the conductor and throw a few choice comments to us, it was her son who couldn't read. He was in the wrong seat. Now the mood was set and all we could look forward to was her COW ass being loud and obnoxious. Fortunately, being gay comes with perks..... like sleeping pills and muscle relaxers. A few hours into this descent into hell we were in a comfortable coma. Somewhere near southern VA or North Carolina we had a vision. I'm not sure if it was the muscle relaxers, the sleeping pill or the double Jacks we were swigging, but there it was.... the hand of god. Just like in Leonardos Sistine Painting it loomed alongside our train. Everyone must have seen it because it wasn't long after the whole car fell asleep as if assured we were all safe for the night. It's funny how liquor and prescription drugs are said to be a bad combination, but I woke 8 hours later feeling all refreshed. Shortly after we started rubbing our sleepy eyes though we had another vision and realized we MUST be in florida, because the hand of god had changed into what looked like god reaching for a beer!! Startled by this transformation we called an attendant who informed us it was our own reflection and that the bar was closed. Huh!?!?! She couldn't however dismiss THIS bold advertisement by some local lesbian businesswomen!! We all know about scary movies and Murphys Law. DON'T EVER SAY ANYTHING to jinx your trip. Upon hearing some IDIOT in our car say, "We're making GREAT time", a car hit our train. Actually, a car was rear ended, and pushed into our train..... so there we sat until the police and the freakin news reporters got the hell out of our way. I'm often completely amazed at the ignorant shit that gets covered by reporters. (NEWS Reporter... here we have a car that was hit by another car and didn't quite hit a train but came very close and we're going to stop the train so we can get a better explanation of what really didn't happen here and then we're gonna embellish just a little to make it and our lives sound a little more important.) KILL THEM>>>>>> ALL!!!!! You have to understand... we had just one more stop and people were starting to wake up. I didn't want to be with them the night before and now they were gonna be awake and grumpy all over again. I just wanted OFF the train. Eventually we got to our stop...... PALATKA, FL. Now if you express to Palatka locals your fear of getting mugged or killed, they'll immediately tell you, "Oh no, you're thinking of someplace else." I then apologize and tell them I was unaware that all those people lying around the train station were actors. That they did a really good job of looking like drunks and drug addicts. Kudos to the Fl Tourism Office!! I also have to remember that throwing my luggage off the train really isn't a good thing especially if I'm gonna fall down the steps behind it. The "Oh Dear" expressions on Steve's Parents faces however were worth it!! We're staying with and being chauffeured by Rose Nylans relatives..... actually it's Steve's folks, and they rented a place in Palm Coast. The furniture at the apt. was that faded pepto bismal color and painted bamboo. I had also forgotten how Fl renamed everything..... Is it called a Great Room because of all the wasted space? It served the same purpose as my living room and truthfully it was a designers nightmare so why was it referred to as Great? I decided I'd rather hang out on the porch and said so only to be corrected like a catholic school boy... It's a lanai not a porch... get it right next time. Once we had freshened up we loaded up and headed for St Augustine which falls a close 2nd to Disney world for being a tourist trap. Although it's literally littered with history, you can't go 20ft without being greeted with a Yo Ho Ho by some Salty Pirate. Don't get me wrong, St Augustine has so much to see and do and what amazed me immensely was the awestruck manner in which many tourists viewed certain attractions. Granted, our country is only so old, but when you're in a city that was founded in 1565 you'd think there'd be enough attractions you wouldn't need to create any. Just Not True. In the 1920's there was this thing called the Old Spanish Trail ,which linked St Augustine FL to San Diego CA. I'm sure 3000 miles of roadway was an achievement in the early 1900s and something to remember, but to mark the Zero Mile with a giant stone marble???? There is one thing I Love about FL.... that would be Spanish Moss!!! I'm not quite sure why seeing it hanging from the big oaks is so romantic, but it is. It just sways in the breeze like transparent images of spirits too attached to say goodbye. Walking under one of these majestic trees dripping in moss, our footsteps were eerily silenced as if we hadn't earned the right to be here and therefore made invisible. Each breath granted to us was scented with centuries of ethereal beauty not for our eyes but our minds...... and we were at peace. One day Steve will return to the south and if for only this reason, it should be enough. The St Augustine Lighthouse. It's nice to find someplace like this still open to the public and on such a nice day!! Steve and I after climbing what seemed like the Everest of Cathedrals while in Italy, didn't blink at our decision to climb this lighthouse. It's only 141 ft to the observation platform compared to the 340-some feet to the top of the Florence Cathedral. Each level was halved so there was a place to rest had we gotten winded. This was a shot from the bottom looking up! I threw this in, because it was so nice to see spring everywhere!! Reunion day..... Saturday!! I guess I'm used to reunions being at some matriarchal home and therefore starting around breakfast and continuing for several days. I'm not sure why I think that's how it should be, because my family has never HAD a family reunion. Perhaps I've fantasized enough times about being from the kind of family where everyone gathers at grandmas dressed in summer whites and laughs and plays yard games only to rest for a cold glass of lemonade or some delicious food that just appears. I might make fun of family reunions but I know it takes a special kind of person to commit to such an event. Actually I'm kind of jealous of people who can visit their relatives every year on the same day..... jealous because in the name of reunion they get away with only having to do it once. I, on the other hand, must visit my own several times each year only to be reminded how I wish MY family was one of THOSE families. There never is enough time to form any kind of lasting alliance with any of my siblings, so with each visit I risk being labeled an intruder as I approach the family cave and thus killed. Steve's family plans ahead. They send out invitations that when waved in front of you act as some sort of surrender flag and ultimately gets you past the gunner. The Rossman Family has been holding this celebration for many years. Choosing Easter as their target date and hoping it would fall near their grandmas birthday of April 15th. This year however, Easter was in March. Now I could figure this out, but could the 93 yr old Grandma Rossman? She was happy to see everyone and I'm sure by the end of the day had a permanent smile from all the pictures she posed for!!! The Host/Chef/Happiest Laugh.... Steve's Aunt Laura. She's one of those contagiously funny people that can take your sour mood and turn into belly busting laughter in minutes. Every family should have one of her.... the world would be a better place. Steve with his Aunt Gail who's only 2 yrs older than him. Here they're trying to figure out how to assemble plastic eggs. Steve's convinced that the Chinese employee that made these is still laughing at the ignorant American consumer who bought them. Once they figured out how to snap the two halves together they headed off to hide them. It was funny watching the kids follow them around.... both of them oblivious to the fact the children were just picking them up as soon as they were put down. After watching the Egg hiders for awhile I turned my attention to an even more intriguing event taking place on the lawn behind me. Evidently, "Trick Kites" do more than tricky maneuvers, they can also bewilder even the most seasoned reunion participants. Here are Steve's dad Tom, Jim and Andy discussing the proper placement of the kite poles in order to get the Kite in flight. I do have one picture of the kite in the air, but I'm not sure if tossing it up counts!! Tom's holding the kite while Jim readies himself for the ultimate blast-off. I'm pretty sure the most repeated phrase of the day was, Run Jim, Run!! Family photos have never been one of my favorite things to do. I always get stuck standing next to someone who either annoys me or decided just that day to annoy me. When taking pictures of someone elses family, I'm quite content to have them change places from tallest to shortest.... oldest to youngest... however I see fit. Being the photographer means I'm not IN the picture!! Here are Steve's aunts, uncles and mom. Gail, Armond, Karl, Linda(mom), & Pat Here we have the In-Laws Tom(dad), Mildred, Jim, Laura & Grandma Don't even ask me if this is all the grand children. This IS a picture of the grand kids however. I took nearly 350 pictures in all and I'm sure I was photographing strangers as well, since we were in a State Park!! The reunion ended as the clouds rolled in.... Even though we didn't get any rain it was still good timing. Packed up.... everyone headed for somebodys home. We went back to Golden Girl Hell and slept. The next day we headed over to Gail n Jims. I'm now a believer in backyard mini-golf. What a cool way to sweat out your beer!!! Here you can actually see my ball in flight. The course is an intricate layout of small redbud trees with large carved out rings around them. The object is to hit your ball from one tree ring to the next in as few hits as possible. Here you see two bowls filled with water. Hit the ball in the larger bowl and you've won the game...... doesn't matter what your score was. I SUCK at this game!! We came, we visited, we grumbled, we ate, we slept, we even got some sun. Eventually though we had to head for home..... so back on the train we went. Tired and not as scared we settled in for a 20 hr return trip. So, for what it's worth.... Florida isn't really that bad! Maybe because it was where my marriage ended..... It was the place where my close relationship with my children was interrupted..... It was where I was outed to my family..... It was where I witnessed numerous deaths from AIDS..... I'm not sure really why I dislike Florida so. I do know this..... I'm glad I made this trip... because now I no longer have to wish to be one of THOSE Families...... I AM one of those families!!