I miss the laughter, the sweet twang when you called someone a Dumbass.
So many of my friends just don't understand how that can be an endearing term.
I guess it's because they never had you for an older brother.
You used to throw the hardest snowballs, and they Always hurt.
The day I ambushed you with that pile of snowballs I had frozen into chunks of ice, you admitted to me later that I was pretty smart thinking of that.
This was told to me while you were sitting on me making me eat dirt, but it didn't matter, because you were proud of me.
I survived adolescence because of your priceless knowledge. You gave me my first Porn Mag. It was one you had already memorized, but I cherished it...... Until mom found it and gave it to Dad.
Who knew there so many names for so many things and that I wouldn't actually go blind doing "it"??
You used to pick on me so much and at the time I never knew it was because you too were being picked on. I just thought you hated me.
I remember the day at the Sawmill when Dad got tired of you poking at me and broke that tobacco stick across your shoulders. You cried hard because of that, but not as much as I did for getting you in trouble. I never told you I was sorry.
One evening, running down behind the Big Barn to get the cows in before a bad storm,
you stepped on a rusty nail sticking up through a short board.
I got my red wagon and pulled you all the way to the house so Mom n Dad could doctor you. Damn you were heavy.
You saved me often, too drunk to drive, and taught me Hair of the dog in the morning.
You'd roll your eyes when you'd meet my girlfriends and I never knew why.
Years later you confessed knowledge of what took me too long to figure out.
You showed up at my wedding with an extra car and tried to force me to take the keys and run. How many times I wish I had listened to you, but then I wouldn't have my beautiful children.
When my life turned upside down and Gay, you never blinked an eye and accepted me for who you always knew I was.
I remember that late night in your garage where you so delicately told me how there were Other guys out there that I could call my "friend". You never liked "him" and again I should have listened. I'm happy you liked Steve.
I could fill pages with memories of you. You were kind with an immediate and accurate sense of sarcasm. We shared some awesome times together and some not so great.
I'll never forget Dads funeral when we both stood silently outside the church, each with tears falling. Why was it so hard to say how we felt?
Fifty Four was Way too soon to lose you. We were supposed to grow old and grumpy together. Mona still needs you and although your boys will continue to make you proud, they need their Dad as well. I don't know what I can do to help them, but I will make myself available. This world is a sad sad place with you not in it.
I met that beautiful grandson of yours today. What a handsome little man. I swear he was looking for you, so I let him tug on my beard instead.
I'm not sure how I'll get through this. It's hard to breathe.
I saw Mona and the boys today. They're all hurting and still numb.
I hugged them all as hard as I could.
I just want you to know, I've held it together for everyone else so far, but tonight I'm gonna cry. You were cheated of so much life. It's not fair.... it's just not fair. I miss you, Edward. I'm being selfish, but I want 54 more.
Say Hello to everyone for me.... you're with the Angels now.
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