Celebrate the Life...

Why is it so hard for most humans to express emotion, that we must wait until someone is dead before we can share how we felt about them. Now I'm not saying everyone needs to be gushing with, "I love U's", but we could take a moment and just say how much we care or how happy they might make us. It wouldn't kill any of us to do that.... well some of you it might. I traveled this past sat to Chris' funeral. I saw him for the first time, literally, the first time, laying in his casket. Since I had never met him he just looked asleep to me... a deep peaceful kind of sleep. When I thanked him for his Heroic deed of saving my nieces and nephew, I even said it quietly so as not to wake him. How silly I thought, as I stood there..... I knew he wasn't going to wake up. It was then the symbolism of what I saw, started it's slow arduous journey from my eyes to that tiny little space in my brain where I store info. I really need to get bigger storage for this purpose. Of course Chris wasn't dead... How could someone who saved 4 lives EVER die? This is where most of you should probably leave........ especially the "christians" I believe Chris' destiny, like many of our own, can not be fulfilled in just one lifetime. So of course he was sleeping....... just a quick nap before his soul continued its journey. He's not dead at all. Yes, and as unfortunate as it is, he's not with US anymore, but I truly believe he had more to do somewhere else. Now for those of you who didn't leave when I told you to.... "Well then where is he", you ask? I can't tell you that, just like you can't prove to me all your religious beliefs. "Rhetoric", you say!! "Why Thank You", I reply!! You see, what anyone might think about what I think..... doesn't bother me. You're reading this, so your need for enlightenment is obvious. Speaking of readers... according to the secret magical elves I have watching my blog... there are several new readers here. I want to welcome you all. Please feel free to post a comment. No need to continue thinking you're anonymous. Most importantly, don't be offended by anything you might read here. First of all, it's not worth the aggravation and I'm sure if what I might have to say can aggravate you, then your life is already screwed up enough and you really should get therapy. So Saturday, I said hello and goodbye to someone I know I would have liked. As heartbroken as I am for Tina and her kids, I'm equally as grateful for Chris. He defended them with his heart and he did it selflessly. Today is Dec 1st. World AIDS Day. I remember years ago when I first came out, I was asked by a friend to go with him to the hospital to visit another friend. I didn't know where we were going or what I would encounter when we got there. Turned out, my friends friend wasn't really anyone he knew, but an entire ward of people. This was the AIDS ward of a local hospital in Orlando FL. in the late 80's. After my first visit, I became a regular. So many of those men... those fathers, those sons, those brothers, those uncles, were alone there. Abandoned by the families that would have nothing to do with them because of their lifestyle. Now, at a time in their life when they needed someone by their side, all they had was me and a few other volunteers. We would sit and read the news or play cards or just listen to them talk..... and talk they would. Mostly about the families that they missed. They would reminisce about their childhood and mostly their mothers. I would often leave for the day mad, just so filled with anger for those hate-filled hypocrites, until one day when I realized I was no better than them. So I forgave them all.... one at a time.... as I held the hand of their son, their brother, their uncle, their father, as he slipped away to his creators. "You're all forgiven", I would mouth in silence. Just as Yhudah did, you are all free to do the same and be free as well. Of course that was me spewing just a last minute bit of sarcasm, but being by someones side as they die leaves a lasting image. When they die peaceful, it's beautiful, but when they die full of regret, you're always left asking, WHY. Why why why WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY????? I could have settled for a little more "free will" and a little less "curiosity" from the get go. I wish had paid more attention during the tutorial. So, I guess what I'm trying to figure out here is what purpose does all this have with me, especially since it's ALWAYS about me.... LOL.! Often I say, "This is just a transition period"..... trying to convince myself that whatever stressful event or events are taking place, will be over soon and we'll then be able to understand why it happened. What I'm realizing as I get older and encounter more and more stressful transition-like stages of my life, is that Life IS the transition. Every day, no matter what the joy or sadness, it's part of our destiny. It's part of paying back karma. It's part of creating positive energy so that Life in all it's ups and downs is at least worth living. Chris and countless others have left this world. "Needlessly", you say? I disagree with you. Celebrate the Life, don't Mourn the Death. I look forward to my destiny. So far the gods have written a pretty good story-line for me!! Here's to all who have lost someone they cared about..... BIG BIG HUGS!!! I know I can't bring them back, but I can help you smile when you remember them.