One of life's questions and lessons

How exactly are we supposed to gauge success and why is it so important? My guess is, it's taught to us from the beginning. Popping out of the womb, its the first thing we hear. "Ma'am, it was a successful delivery". At least I thought it was me they were talking about.

I guess I should try to make everything a success, but what qualifies? I didn't burn the toast this morning... was that a success? I went a whole week and didn't threaten to send anyone to meet their god.... did that qualify? I took the term "responsible pet owner" and used it to end the life of my suffering little buddy, Moses..... does this make me successful? I'm not quite sure what it is that's got me questioning all this.

Yesterday, we had a party here. All the NPS interns from the Harper House came over for a summer evening cookout. I so was not in the mood to set up for company. I was still depressed and I really wanted to just hang out quietly at home and sulk. They all arrived and the evening began. Their tales of mishap and adventures were hysterical. I laughed like I haven't laughed in a long while. The oldest of this group was 27 which made Steve and I feel, well..... even older. About halfway through the night a few of them realized that since I had 3 kids of my own who were 20 to 25, that all of them could also be my kids. This of course really helped with my feeling of being ancient, but at the same time I felt a sort of Sage-like hierarchy developing. These kids were all trying to make it on their own and be successful. They were proud of their achievements and most of the evening was spent talking about them. I should've said how they are all Living History Re-enactors and the highlight of their time here has apparently been their new costumes, complete with fancy hats. We laughed at the stories about loading and firing black powder rifles for the first time. Some told storied from childhood with fondness and just a touch of homesickness. When the evening ended, many of them were reluctant to go. I'd like to think they had gotten a piece of comfort being here or that maybe they didn't feel so much like a visitor to Harpers Ferry, but more like friends.

Yes, Friends was what they were now. We had spent 6 hours with a group of people whom we had only met in passing and now we were all looking forward to hanging out again. There were invitations to stop by anytime and they all let us know how long their internships were, just so we would know how long they'd be stopping by. There were handshakes and hugs and silly laughter at the few who had difficulty going down the steps and the night fell quiet. So I guess I've answered my question. Success isn't something we can gauge in small increments. Only at the end of our life can we tally up. Did we choose to make every life moment a positive one, or did we waste it on self pity or greed or worse.... were we cruel?

Last night, even though I was still missing my Mosey, I cowboy'd up and got this party going. I did it because I wanted to meet my neighbors no matter how temporary they might be. I did it because I needed to focus my attention on something other than sadness and grief. Mostly, I did it because I have this unnatural mothering instinct and that includes the two legged orphans as well. A dorm full of 20 somethings qualifies. We ate the food.... we drank the beer.... we ate the cake. They loved the door prizes (I always have door prizes) and they all made it back across the street safely to their beds. I would have to say the party was successful even if it doesn't qualify me as a success. I'm happy to have 12 new friends and it would be super nice if I knew them for many years to come. If time takes them away from us, then I will always cherish the fun we had laughing last night and how 12 strangers took the pain away for an evening. Thanks guys, Thanks for adding to my total. I hope you come again and again!!