One Delusional Fruit Fly

Ten yrs ago, I made the horrible mistake of becoming friends with my THIRD Fatal Attraction. Yes, the THIRD woman who would make improper sexual advances at me
even though she was fully aware that I was gay and in a happy relationship.
Fortunately I managed to end the first two, but this last one lingered like a bad STD.
A bad friendship that involved her adopting several dogs from me and me, cats from her and hours and days of drama every time she got fired from yet ANOTHER job, or had to move, because having 50 cats was too much for her small home.

Several months ago, She posted on my FB page a picture of a pitbull in a NYC Shelter.
I told her no... MANY times, but she kept hounding me and calling and begging me to take Pepsi. Finally I gave in and the day she arrived, Lori even tried begging me to take two others she had brought with her. All three of these dogs were at deaths door.
I told her NO AGAIN, and took the Pittie, Pepsi.
Pepsi was so sick, she had infected mammary tumors that were oozing puss, an upper respiratory infection that was so bad it took my vet three times to find an anti-biotic that would work. By this time, every dog in my rescue was sick including a litter of three week old puppies. Two of those puppies died. Did Lori ever apologize... NO.
Oh, yes, I forgot, The dogs had been transported by one miss Tammy Darrow. A Pug Rescue from the Eastern Shore of Md. When she took the dogs, she failed to tell ANYONE from the NYC group that she WOULD NOT be keeping the dogs. She and Lori BOTH knew Pepsi was coming to me and told me NOT to tell the group from NY.
I DID contact the group from NYC, because Pepsi was in such terrible condition. They also had her listed as a male with no health issues.
Little did I know when I agreed to take Pepsi that she had sponsors for an amount exceeding $1200. I received $60.
After I talked with the NYC Rescue Group that coordinated pulling dogs from that shelter, apparently they severed ties with Tammy Darrow and Lori Bartles and anyone affiliated with the Pug Rescue that Tammy Runs.
This was an unfortunate thing to happen, because it's "SUPPOSED" to be about the dogs, NOT about personal pride.
Pepsi got the best care I could give her, and she really turned around. The one thing we could not do however, was cure the cancer that took her. We lost Pepsi. She passed and joined the two puppies that passed before her.

So Now we jump fwd a few months. My Own beautiful little Pom, Lexi passes away.
The sunshine in my life, the reason I smiled every day.
By this time, I have ceased communication with Lori. Too many years of her drama and the whole stressful issue with Pepsi broke the straw.
I started my search for a dog to replace Lexi. I knew I couldn't replace her, but I need, what I called, a small fluffy.
That's when I found Honey. a beautiful little pom with a rescue in NC.
I filled out the app, waited for weeks while they did the calls and checked the references and finally the day came when we would go get her.
It took us 9 hours to drive to somehole NC. I realized when I met Honey that she may not be the dog for me, but she was miserable laying in her crate under the table. There were so many dogs in the house and every time one would pass through the room, she would come out barking. I figured I could give her a quieter home since all we had here were senior dogs. I paid the adoption fee and we left.
From that moment, Honey did not like me. She wouldn't look at me and every time I tried to pick her up she would snap and try to bite me. There were many witnesses to this. Two weeks after we got her home, I put her up for adoption. For years now I've had an agreement with the local humane society where they'll hold dogs for me to be adopted. Most of these dogs have been dogs I fostered for them, but several have been my own. These dogs are never in danger of being pts. If they're not adopted after a short while, they come back to my home.
This was the case with Honey, who we now called Penny.
The second day she was there, I spent the day with her in the lobby of the shelter. The 3rd day, she was pulled by .... wait for it.... wait for it.....
Tammy Darrow and her Pug Rescue.
They pulled Penny for FREE.
Who picked her up? Wait for it..... wait for it......
Lori Bartles, my fatal attraction fruit fly.

It was their combined effort to not "rescue" this dog. She was in no danger.
Their intention was to return her TO the rescue in NC, and try to discredit my Rescue.
They BOTH knew that Penny was at the shelter because they were BOTH trolling my rescue page.

So, that's when the Bible Belt Bitches descended on my fb page.
I was...... well, even my cussing doesn't compare to the language they used.
Ultimately, they painted me out to be a horrible person that should Never be allowed to do rescue work. I'm fine with that. Maybe sorry asses like them would stop calling my house then when their dog is no longer a puppy.
According to the NC rescue, I was guilty of failing to comply with the adoption contract that said I would call them if I could no longer care for the dog.
I assumed that since I had placed several hundred dogs in the last few years, I could place one more. Lori and Tammy saw their opportunity and jumped.

Ultimately, Yesterday was a day spent listening to a bunch of bored people who need hobbies, yack and yack and yack on FB. They're perfect and nobody else is.

I would like to point out this one fact. When you read the following comments that I copied from pawfectmatch Rescues FB page, pay close attention to the part where Lori says
"as a rescuer for a reputable organization, I know the rules."
I guess they only apply when she's disappointed in Me or upset because I didn't call her back.
Blatantly Lying to the rescue Group in NYC was OK, but ME, realizing a dog I adopted (with an adoption fee) was unhappy in my home and trying to find her a better home, was evil.
Lori Nor Tammy ever contacted me when they pulled Penny. They had her for over three weeks and planned the day very carefully, when they would suddenly feel "obligated" to do the right thing.

The Following is text from Pawfectmatch Rescues Facebook page.
It's Lori, the Fatal Attraction burying herself.
The sad reality of her life is....
Nobody is EVER going to sleep with her, especially ME.
Steve warned me of her, Years ago and I didn't listen.


Lori Bartles I wanted to have a private conversation. Sorry I missed your call, I was outside. I won't fight w/ you and I will email a longer response. FIRST of all: I did NOT DUMP Pepsi on you. I shared a post. You volunteered to take her. But thats another story we need to discuss where you disappointed me. As for Honey/Penny/Peaches: I knew you ADOPTED her for your own personal pet. When I saw her at the shelter, old, terrified & deaf, my heart just broke. Not just for her, but for all I had believed & defended about my friend. I was SICKENED. I had NO room for her, but I could not sleep leaving her in a shelter at that age. She's a lovely old girl who has been a perfect angel. I did not adopt her, I pulled her to rescue so she could foster in my home until I could find a perfect forever home, just like all the others I foster. And I had a badly needed dental done for her. I agonized until I was sick over this decision to contact the rescue. I knew the shit storm would follow. But as a rescuer for a reputable organization, I know the rules. It was my obligation to give them the opportunity to reclaim their dog if they wanted to. I spent hours upon hours coordinating her return. As for the shelter, I was never told she bit or disliked men. I was told she had no issues & she was surrendered due to lack of room. And I received NO medication. Honey is back home with her foster now, where she will stay I'm told. She's been thru enough at 14. I did what I had to do, because it was the right thing to do.

16 hours ago · Like

Lori Bartles Then he called me a shitty ex-friend:

16 hours ago · Like

Lori Bartles Shit for a friend? Like when you ignored my requests & messed up our relationship w/ NY & the dogs paid the price? Like when you ignored my requests for advice when my Squirt was sick? Like when you couldn't even be BOTHERED to call or even post a message to me when I was devastated over the loss of the dog I loved EVERY BIT as much as you did Lexi? The dog I adopted from YOU! Like when I drive an hour to see you & you act like my presence is an imposition & can't even offer a glass of tea? I've been mourning the loss of a dear friend for over a year. But I STILL defended you, your mouth & your actions to those who talked badly about you. Until Honey... my eyes were opened. You have not been mt friend for a very long time. And it broke my heart.

16 hours ago · Like

Lori Bartles Unfortunately my computer crashed before I could copy & save all of your responses & lovely messages of support for me. But I think I saw most of them.

16 hours ago · Like

Lori Bartles Honey was happy here, but she never smiled like she did in Aida's pictures. She's back where she belongs. Good life sweet girl.

16 hours ago · Like

WVbuddies Rescue Lori, the Shelter has copies of your questionnaire and your adoption contract as well...... Where you stated you were "adopting' the dog for your personal dog. Maybe if they knew you already had several personal dogs and about 50 cats they would have changed their minds. You are a spiteful unhappy person who attacks every person that you claim has ever done you wrong.... for example, the last 10 places that fired you.

16 hours ago · Like

WVbuddies Rescue I never placed Honey in harms way. I never abused or neglected her. I placed her at the shelter under my supervision to be adopted. An agreement I have had with that shelter for many years. She was never in danger of being pts and the other dog you claimed you saved, was coming to me the very next day for rehab.
Had you left well enough alone, Honey would have very well been adopted into a wonderful home. YOU interfered and caused this whole ruckus.

16 hours ago · Like

Lori Bartles LOL! More lies Dean? Really? I'm so stunned at who you've become. Stunned & disappointed. You know full well there is no adoption contract, no questionnaire, she was not adopted, she was pulled by Celebrating Pugs Rescue, that's why there was no adoption fee. My name is not even on the paperwork. She was pulled, by phone, by the rescue director. I merely picked her up & agreed to foster her. It was the shelter who gave me all of YOUR adoption paperwork which allowed me to contact Pawfect. And you have not been to my home in YEARS & have barely spoken to me in two. You know NOTHING about my life or my cats or dogs. You just make up shit to deflect the truth when you do wrong. Now go away & leave me alone.

15 hours ago · Like · 1

Lori Bartles Oh, and I'm quite happy, noones done me wrong but you, here today. And I've attacked no one, only defended myself against your lies & accusations.

15 hours ago · Like · 1

Lori Bartles Honey is home. That's all I wanted. Lets put this to rest & done. AND GO SAVE SOME DOGS!! :D


I'm guessing the Large Smile that Lori ended with is supposed to make us all feel better. For some reason it makes me wonder when she's going to boil my rabbit.

Refused to be Broken

Meet Solomon (Solly),

Last Friday the 17th, Solly was in the wrong getto at the wrong time. His caregiver had allowed him to live in a pigsty of a home with a very aggressive man. I feel absolutely NO compassion for a woman who neglects her children or pets and continues to live under the abusive hand of a man with no penis... (I can only assume). Sure, let him beat the crap out of you if that's what you want, but your children and your pets should have been spared this. You could have cleaned the house for them too... I seriously doubt you were too beaten to clean. Child Protective Services removed the children from BOTH parents.
Now for the sorry son of a bitch that did the beating and abusing. There's not even a good enough place in hell for you. Any man that uses dominance and fear to make his way through life, is a coward. Beating the people and animals around you into submission in order to feel powerful? What kind of childhood hell did you suffer? Were you dropped on your head or was it that your mother should have never kept a baby fathered by her brother?
For whatever reason you decided it was ok to not only beat your woman and your children but to take a small defenseless dog and try to kill it, let me say this to you.
You were horribly mistaken.
I do not wish you harm, however, I wish you time to reflect and the realization that you are a monster and that all the pain inflicted by you, consume you, until it becomes so unbearable that you end your own life.
This being said and wholly felt be me and many others, I turn my positive and rehabilitative focus on the dog you could not break.





Sweet Little Solly

May 17th 2013, Solly was in his home when he was attacked by a man who thought it normal to beat his wife and kids. Today, that man thought he could hurt his family even more by grabbing their 6 lb puppy and trying to kill it.
First he took it by both back legs and tried tearing him in half.
When that didn't work, he slung the little dog by one leg into the wall.
When he realized the pup wasn't yet dead, he grabbed him once more, this time with both hands, and tried to break the dog in half over his knee.
Now paralyzed and crying in pain, his idiot ower called her mommy to come over and help.
Mommy arrived with the police and they eventually transported the dog to the emergency vet. On the way there, they stopped to get some kind of legal stay the fuck away order for the man with no dick. Fortunately they crossed paths with a very caring lady from the Humane Society who insisted they relinquish the dog.
They agreed and the officer and the dogs owners mother took Solly to the vet.
The City Officer and the owner declined treatment at this point.
Neither could afford it.
The vet suggested Euthanasia.
The Nice lady from the Humane Society said NO.
That's when I got my call, asking, "could I help". Could I dedicate the next 3 to 12 months to rehabbing a little dog that may or may not recover? Would I be able to do physical therapy on a tiny creature who had suffered terrible abuse.
I said YES.

 

Monday morning the 20th of May, came and I arrived at the vets office to meet my newest angel. His name at the time was Buddy, but we soon changed that and added him to the list of beautiful fluffy white fellas that have touched our hearts.
Moses, Noah and now Solomon (Solly).

Hind limb Paresis
Traumatic Disc Herniation
Possible Spinal Cord Hemorrhage.
He was placed on an IV and urinary catheter.

Upon his release to me, it was determined he had no control of urination or defecation.
He would have to have both expressed. They also determined he could feel no pain in his rear end nor did he have any control over movement of those limbs.

Well, here it is May 22nd 2013 and Solly can (with little assistance) stand on his own.
He's able to retract and extend his rear left leg with some discomfort. His left rear leg is still very sore and may require more time.
His bladder and bowel movements are improving and although he still requires our assistance, he's improving. He's also giving us many tail wags!!!!

So, Continue to pray for or send healing energy or whatever positive thoughts you can muster, for this little man. He's got a long way to go and most likely, surgeries and such. I only hope, for as long as he's with us, that he's happy.

Day two comes to an end.
Deep dark eyes stare at me from behind a cage door.
I open the door, giving this fearful little creature a reassuring caress.
I want him to know he'll never be hurt again.
I want him to know I'll do everything in my power to make him better.
I want him to know my rescue heart is whole again for the little dog that
Refused to be Broken



For Every Tear Cried

 

Every Tear Cried

 

Moses survived for 9 months in our care.
He was malnourished, anemic & lyme positive.
He was also deaf and mostly blind.
What looks like dirt in this pic, is actually fleas.

I was being scolded during an adoption event by a rather irate attendee, who was upset about Rescue Fees being so high. I was told that Animal Rescues were, and I quote……… “just getting rich off of animals they get for free”.
Well, rather than cut the head of this person off and give it to the dogs to play with, which is totally what I had already imagined while watching their mouth flap about, I decided to agree with them and attempted to recalculate what a dog adoption fee should be.

So I figured it out that I should charge $5 for…….
Every tear cried while gently clipping the matted fur
from a mangled and neglected dog.
Every tear cried when caressing the gaunt boney frame
of a starved, nearly dead family pet.
Every tear cried when pushing an IV needle into the vein of
an emaciated dog who’s stomach had long ago quit being hungry.
Every tear cried when x-rays revealed the number of broken
bones that were left to heal on their own.
Every tear cried when sick malnourished mamas were left to
give birth, with no way to feed their pups.
Every tear cried when newborn pups died because
they were starved In Utero.
Every tear cried when death wasn’t such a bad thing………

It was then, that I realized my fees weren’t so high.
They were actually quite low.
See, I had already figured this out ahead of this encounter.
Since I know I could never charge Millions of dollars for a rescued dog,
I started taking my payment before they ever left my care.

$100 for…
Every tear cried when a blind dog licks my face.
Every tear cried when a new mama won't let me leave her side.
Every tear cried when a mangled, neglected pet stands on their own
and shakes free the stress and worry of ever being forgotten again.
Every tear cried when a starving dog no longer needs an IV to eat.
Every tear cried when splints and casts get removed and running
and playing is no longer painful.
Every tear cried when puppies are born strong and healthy.
Every tear cried when death isn’t the only option……..

              Crystal passed away from kidney failure.

Her owner had dementia and two dogs.
One of those dogs was food aggressive.
It wasn't Crystal. She starved to death.

Hazel lost 5 of her 9 pups.
She and the remaining 4 were brought back to life and were happily adopted.

Abby's owner neglected her and then died.
The family abandoned her at the shelter.
She's now Happy and loving her new mommy!

Vala was crated and put away in a shed to starve
by her mentally handicapped owner.
She recovered, but the damage she suffered had made her
too aggressive to trust and sadly after months of rehab,
the decision was made to have her pts.

Rocky was covered with mange.
3 months of baths and meds and LOTS of love and hugs.
He now rules a small farm in PA.....
with a full coat of fur!

So the next time anyone asks you, "How much is the dog"?
Tell them, you lost count of the tears too long ago to be able to answer that.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I am Not a Bully

I'm not a bully.
Contrary to popular belief that I am a violent man that most people are afraid of,
I am, in Fact, a victim of Bullies, Myself.
Yes, I've had years to get therapy and I've developed an incredible sense of humor and sarcasm to combat those that would cause me distress or physical harm.
Fortunately for me, my size does allow me the ability to scare off most would be threats and attackers.
Yesterday though, I realized something.
I have, for years now, been the victim of a completely different kind of Bully.

See, Bullies don't suffer from depression, they don't think about suicide.
Bullies don't constantly crave approval and love, which is very unlike most of us who've suffered their wrath.
The Modern day adult bully has figured out a way to eliminate others that might pose a threat to the way they want their life to be. Take my neighbors for example.
While posing as a happily married couple, they are in fact, the two most unhappy people in this town.
They live in a small picket fence dream where leaves don't fall and birds don't shit.
When someone tries to change this, they strike.
They attack by writing letters to the mayor demanding that fences be removed, that neighbors can't build sheds or homes. They organize others like them, and call themselves "advocates"... a pleasant word that in no way describes their private meetings and underhanded back alley way of screwing their neighbors.
They spread rumors and lies attempting to discredit anyone who would try to stop the dictatorship they crave.

Back to me....
My first encounter with being bullied started in my own childhood home.
I come from a very dysfunctional group of people who even to this day continue to breed even more dysfunctional people. Then I continued my training with 8 years of Catholic school where I learned not only to be bullied well, but to feel guilty about it, as if it were all my fault.
High school pretty much sucked ass for me as I was a total Post Catholic School Nerd and daily punching bag not only for jocks but other Fat kids and would be potheads.

Once out of school the wonderful world of workplace bullies began a parade across my ass, then as if I didn't get harassed enough.. I joined the military.
I just KNEW the military wouldn't bully me.. LOL

Keep in mind that before during and after my time in the Air Force, I was married to my wonderful ex wife, who if she had kept an average, most likely slapped my face at least once a day for 7 yrs. She herself a victim of a Bully Mother.

One failed relationship after another, learning more and more about the real me, and not what the world thought was the real me. I learned really fast that if most people THOUGHT I was a mean and potentially violent person, they would steer clear of me.
That image worked and kept me from the razor blades for over a decade, and then something strange happened.

I met some people who helped me see that I wasn't that big meany I had come to believe in. That I was actually a soft hearted, kind and caring person. It took many years for me to admit that I wasn't the big gruff attack bear, who's image I had worked so hard on creating. It wasn't enough though, that I just live my life peaceful and happy.
For some reason, the gods had decided that I needed to suffer this mean image a little longer.

This is where those adult bullies come back into play. Take for example the women at the daycare center up the street from where I now live.  Always blocking the road and yelling at motorists driving down the hill. They're nothing but Bullies, teaching the children to be bullies. I stop to tell them to stay out of the road and I'm labeled aggressive and threatening. (that was the 1st time I stopped)
My neighbors behind our home. They fight to stop us from having hikers off the AT from staying in our back yard, because they don't want the dirty hikers to lower their property value. They work to prevent another neighbor from building a new home on an existing foundation, because it's next to their yard and they just don't want neighbors that close. They decide it's ok to build decks all over the back of their house, without permits and violating building codes, but call the mayor when we add an extension to an existing platform on our back hill.
These are just TWO of the Bullies in this sleepy little town.

Extremely disheartened by finding myself living in a politically motivated town FULL of two faced, sad individuals, I turn my attention to animal rescue and avoid and ignore all town related drama.
The dogs NEVER question my attention. They offer me total trust and unquestionable love. How could this be anything but right? Even the saddest day in rescue would be better than being accused of violence or being threatened.
Sadly, this is when I start meeting some of the most cruel and heartless bullies I've EVER met and I'm talking about other rescuers.
People that would see you harm or discontent based solely on their own jealousy and short comings. People who's focus has gone entirely off course and is no longer about the animals we help. So caught up with the vile nature of rescue work that they now project it onto their fellow rescuers. Still trying to overcome that image of big nasty Bear, I found myself the target of these people.
This forced me to focus even harder on the dogs. Dig in even deeper into this world of unconditional love, offered by every paw that you came across. Days pass, weeks pass, years come and go. Dogs arrive, they recover, they get adopted and some die.
I laugh, I cry, I meet knew wonderful people who love being loved and I'm slowly not the person I thought I was, even though there are still a few that insist I'm what they see in their mind.
48 years and I'm here. Being a dog rescuer helped me become the man I always was.
I've a heart as big as they come. I've a soul that can heal. I've cried enough tears to wash away pain from any dog I touch. I'm proud to say............

I am not a bad man.
I am not a Bully.
I am not a violent man
I'm done being YOUR punching bag.
I'm done hurting inside because you hate yourself.


I will love with abandon. I will smile on the dreariest of days.
and all the while, I will NOT be Bullied ANY longer.
Prepare yourselves for the new, improved version of the OGRE.

What I have to offer as advice.
Don't allow anyone to make you feel inferior.
Life is too short and too precious to live it with anyone that's not going to love you for the wonderful person you are!!

Just ventin

Have you ever felt empty for no reason? When your chest feels hollow, and full of unbearable pain at the same time? When every emotion is wrapped in rage and there's nothing you can do about it. When it hurts so bad, your wish, every waking moment, is to just be left alone and when you finally are, the silence screams inside your head, When every heartbeat reminds you your still alive only to regret the moment when you actually woke up. When the thought of speaking to anyone makes you choke. When simple chores are tedious and make you resent anyone you ever helped. When the things you say and do, hurt those you love and you just don't care, because one day you'll be gone and they won't miss your attitude. I know I have a problem. I know medication can help it, but I'm tired of being on medication. I don't want to be better, I want to be normal. I want to be happy and not feel so angry. Maybe this day will pass and I'll get some sleep. Maybe the dogs will SHUT THE FUCK UP and not wake me up. Maybe someone will make ME coffee. Maybe someone ELSE will do the dishes. Maybe I'll just not wake up..... at least not here.

Tears for many reasons

I'd give almost anything to make today Wednesday, because today already sucks and it's only 7am. Today, Storm will be euthanized. A sweet loving, caring, beautiful dog will be killed by my decision to have it done. A syringe full of barbiturates will pierce the vein in her leg and her heart will go into immediate arrest and she will be dead.

Storm came here on the 8th of June 2011.

Pulled from the home of a crackhead in Manassas VA and very much pregnant. Prince William County Police wanted her as far away from her owners as possible, and were put in contact with me. I picked her up the same day they called and brought her home. Storm responded favorably right away to good food and lovin. She wanted nothing more than to lay with a human on the sofa... in a chair.... wherever. We could tell right away that she had been starved of affection and had only been used as a machine to produce pups for what we could only assume was illegal entertainment.

June 18th 2011, Storm delivered 9 Beautiful babies to us.

All healthy and with the same marbled coloring as their Mama. I was surprised at the size of the litter, given Storms small stature, but I guess that's what crackheads/breeders look for in a breeding machine. Now though, Storm looked skinnier than ever and was always on the lookout for more groceries.

June 28, 2011 Six Motherless pups arrived from BCHS.

Just ten days later, these six gorgeous pups joined the family and Storm took them as if they were her very own.... nursing and cleaning and protecting them. I could tell the difference between her pups and the new ones and I'm sure she could too, but she paid it no mind. We bottle fed to help with nursing demands and all 15 pups started growing.

July 1st - 5th, 2011 All Nine of Storms pups passed away.

We originally thought it may have been an upper respiratory issue that took them, but then we got the autopsy results back on Dooley and discovered he died of Parvo. We never tested the pups to see if it was parvo that took them, we can only assume. What I DO know, is that holding an innocent puppy as it takes it's last breath ever is the most dreadful and deafening silence I've ever had to experience. Now we had to sit and wait for the other six to die? I couldn't do it. I refused to sit and watch as their lungs quit on them and caused their tiny little hearts to stop beating. I had taken the six new pups to the vet to also have them put down, but they talked me out of it. I couldn't bear to watch them slowly and painfully die like the first nine. With a "Promise" to be there when or IF I needed them, I placed my trust in the vet staff and headed home with six, seriously pumped up on antibiotics, puppies.

July 7th, 2011 The Six pups eye started to open.

With an estimated birth date of June 25th, 2011, these six babies are now 5 1/2 weeks old. Weaned from their surrogate mama and eating on their own. having survived what we think was parvo, I have great hopes for this litter. Fortunately for them, they're starting to look a lot less like pitbulls and instead just cute pups. Storm in all her awesomeness did a Terrific job keeping these babies alive.

July 25th, 2011 Storm attacked Niles.

I hadn't been home 30 minutes. Let all the dogs out like I ALWAYS do, and I heard the growl gurgle. That sound that says, it's not play... something is wrong. I raced outside to find Storm straddling Niles and ripping his throat open. I pulled her off of him, put him in a crate, crated all the dogs and raced off to the vet with Niles. She had ripped a hole in his esophagus, barely missing a jugular vein. Three hours in surgery, he was covered in stitched and drain tubes and we headed home. It's been a week and Niles is recovering at an amazing and rapid speed. Storm however has continued her random attempts at attacking several other dogs here. I've come to the point where she has to be monitored when she's not crated. She's tried to go after Niles twice more now and just this morning, went after Francine. My decision, as hard as it is, has been made. Storm is too unpredictably volatile. Today it's small dogs and cats that are in her cross hairs. Tomorrow it may be a child. I can't take that risk and I won't ask anyone else to take it either. Storm, we love you. You were a victim of bad breeding, by Monsters. You're a loving sweet lady, that did what she was bred to do and went above and beyond that role to take care of others in need. You're a cuddler, a licker and an overall luvbug. Sadly, you're also a killer with a prey drive larger than a wolf. It's not your fault and you can't stop it. I forgive you for what happened with Niles. I thank you for what you did for these pups and I ask that you forgive me for what I'm about to do. Enjoy that bridge Fine Lady, you deserve it, you really do. Leave this world knowing a kind hand and kind words and a full satisfied belly.

Tears are shed for many reasons, but today, there will be tears shed for only you.

My Difference

For some time now, I've been beating myself up for not posting on this blog. I've once again allowed the daily dribble of Facebook to lure me away like the 010101010101010101 siren of some future world. I've been trapped in it's web of insincerity's and niceties and fleeting moments of absurd friendships. As much as it will defeat any attempt to break free, I will post this, so anyone with more than a minute between funny comments or serious causes, can get just a glimpse of what shattered my heart..... this time. Driven by a sadness that's too large for FB and it's endless " :-( " and "sorry's", I came here to tell my sorrow. I needed something more than a caring shoulder or another "understanding" response. I needed closure. Many of you know, I fill most of my time doing dog rescue. This involves taking mostly dogs that nobody else wants..... even other rescues. In the last several weeks, I've taken in over 20 dogs/puppies. Many were adopted, some went to another rescue, some were just being fostered and went back to the shelter once they were actually old enough to Be adopted. Some did Not make it. This is about those three. Dooley The first time I heard about this guy was in an email I received from the people who found him. They had been out for a walk through their neighborhood and spotted this 9/10 month old pup hiding in the woods. It appeared that his foot was injured. They took him in and tried to find his owners. After having no luck with that, they reluctantly called Animal Control who responded and took the dog. The family immediately took it upon themselves to contact many of the local rescues, asking if someone would please help this fella, because he was So sweet and would most likely, being a pitbull and injured, be put to sleep at the pound. I went to AC and there he was, all goofy and lovable and just wanting to sit as close to and as much on top of ANYONE as possible. The next day I had him xray'd and sure enough, his foot which seemed to cause him no pain at all, was completely broken, right behind the knuckles. He was placed in a cast and while he was out.... neutered. A week into his recovery, his cast started rubbing, so I took him back to have his cast altered and he was fine, except he had developed a cough. This was the same cough that many of the other dogs in my home had developed and were being treated for. Housing dogs that usually come to me with no vaccinations, I'm always prone to one or two being sick, but this week, I had 9. So Dooley started the same medication the others had been taking. He was also on some meds for any pain he may have had for his foot, so when he started not being so rambunctious, it didn't concern me too much. Four days into his meds, he quit eating, but so had several of the other dogs during their recovery. Never more than one day though, so again it appeared normal. Day 5 and he was getting dehydrated, so I gave him sub Q fluids. His temp had spiked to 106, but an hour after the fluids it was down to 103. Two + hours later, Dooley laid over in the floor, gave two sharp gasps for air and was dead.

I've never had a dog die in the middle of my living room. Much less a dog that didn't appear to be that sick. This bouncy out of control bundle of happy licks and goofy exuberance was lying limp in my arms and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. My first thought and lingering feelings were what had I done wrong?What did I not see? How could I have prevented this? I called the Vet Hospital emergency number and arranged to meet them there with Dooley's body. They would need to get samples to find out what it was that took this little man from us. I'll miss you Dooley. You were a fun Pup. You sneaked those kisses to Annie that made her growl, but never in a serious way. You never understood when I was yelling at you for jumping the gate, that I was upset. You were always happy and wanted me to pet your head. I tried fella, and I hope you didn't suffer. I hope too, that if this was my fault in any way, that you forgive me. You go and run free of broken legs and broken feet. Breath clean air and bark all you want. Big hugs to you, Dooley. Tula, Tula was a stray that ended up in the care of Animal control. Her story isn't as dramatic as Dooley's. She had stayed her time at AC and was due to be PTS. I don't care how old or aggressive or injured an animal is, no dog deserves to die on a cold shelter floor, So I hooked a leash to the old girl and brought her home. At first I thought she might just need some gettin used to the other beasts here and that her grumbling and growling would pass. Sadly, it didn't. Tula checked out at the vet.

All negatives on her blood work and a fresh rabies vaccine and she was ready for adoption. Problem was finding someone who wanted and Senior Beagle who really wanted to be an only child. Tula would go out in the morning, dig a hole under the swing on our patio and lay there all day. She would come in at night, head for her bed under the table and lay there all night. This would have been the perfect arrangement, except that sometimes in between, she would wander around picking fights with the other dogs. Last Friday, she picked a fight with Annie, and she lost. You don't go into a bar and kick the biggest guy in there and not get your butt whooped. Tula did just that. Annie let go of Tula as soon as I told her to, but the damage was done and my decision was made. This was one old gal that wouldn't be getting adopted. Seriously old and grumpy and not social at all. There was also the occasional snap at human hands too, but that wasn't nearly as bad as her attitude to other k9's.

So today, Tula left for Rainbows Bridge. She can run and play and dig all the holes she wants to now. It was a difficult decision to carry out, because I wanted her remaining time to be a little longer than a couple weeks. Unfortunately fate gave her a different hand than I had in mind.

Zorro, This little spark plug was my first exchange student. Three dogs I had managed to get my hands on went to Briggs Adoption Center. CeCe, the Shih Tzu, Suzie Q, the Lhasa Apso, and Jersey, the Chihuahua all were accepted by Briggs and in exchange, I took Zorro. This guy was 9 yrs old and abandoned by his idiot owner. The guy got a Doberman to "protect" his property and instead it started picking on Zorro. Well Zorro didn't respond well to shelter life. He was a nervous wreck and would spin all day and stopped eating and was losing weight. So, he came here to see if living in a home would benefit his health. At first we thought he was just nervous, but after getting bitten several times I thought maybe he simply didn't like me, then he started sitting in my lap, but I still wasn't allowed to handle him... I was just a perch. Then he started running after and nipping our friends. Then it became impossible to even pick him up. I worked with him every day and discovered if I gently approached him and placed my hands between his two front legs, I could pick him up and hold him temporarily, but as soon as I would go to move him he would scratch me while leaping from my arms, snapping at me as well. His agressive biting was so sporadic and unpredictable. Nobody wanted to handle him after awhile. Three days ago, Zorro quit eating. He wouldn't even eat treats. I tried to hold him last night and he bit the crap out of my hand. Today, Zorro left with Tula and joined Dooley. As much as I thought he had potential, the potential for him to bite an adopter or their child was too great a possibility and liability. If Zorro had been a 70 pound pitbull this decision would have never been debated. As sad as I am for having to make it, I am equally sure it was the right thing to do. Now he doesn't ever have to worry about being picked up the wrong way or ever having to bite in fear again. Live your afterlife in Peace my little temporary friend.

We did manage to spend some quality time together. He would lay next to my computer in the morning and watch me type. He liked being up higher than the other dogs. I guess he felt safe up there over top of their heads. Well now he can spread his little wings and fly above them all. And so there you have it. Doesn't sound like too much to deal with, but this on top of all the other dogs and all the sickness and life's crap in general..... I'm hollow. My heart is not broken because it's gone. I feel nothing in there and I'm sure nothing is beating within my chest but echos of compasion. I chose to do this work and yes, some of you have said how "you're so strong", "I don't know how you do it", "you're a saint", but the bottom line is this. I'm not making the difference I thought I could make. The dogs still die and sometimes in my care. The vet bills are high and sadly only get paid when i can pop out a litter of cute pups for adoption. I'm feeding the same system that dumped these old unwanted dogs on me. I'm part OF the problem. I'm starting to believe we shouldn't HAVE shelters. Maybe shelters and rescues and pounds are only enabling a system that's flawed.

Then I turn around and I see the big warm loving eyes of the ones that are still here. I feel their soft fur and wet kisses and I know, I'm just in pain and they lick it all away. There'll be more adoptions, there'll be more rescues..... there'll be more deaths. I loved these three dogs like I still love the ones remaining, and that's the difference I needed to make. That's my closure. They didn't leave this world unloved.