I'm not a bully.
Contrary to popular belief that I am a violent man that most people are afraid of,
I am, in Fact, a victim of Bullies, Myself.
Yes, I've had years to get therapy and I've developed an incredible sense of humor and sarcasm to combat those that would cause me distress or physical harm.
Fortunately for me, my size does allow me the ability to scare off most would be threats and attackers.
Yesterday though, I realized something.
I have, for years now, been the victim of a completely different kind of Bully.
See, Bullies don't suffer from depression, they don't think about suicide.
Bullies don't constantly crave approval and love, which is very unlike most of us who've suffered their wrath.
The Modern day adult bully has figured out a way to eliminate others that might pose a threat to the way they want their life to be. Take my neighbors for example.
While posing as a happily married couple, they are in fact, the two most unhappy people in this town.
They live in a small picket fence dream where leaves don't fall and birds don't shit.
When someone tries to change this, they strike.
They attack by writing letters to the mayor demanding that fences be removed, that neighbors can't build sheds or homes. They organize others like them, and call themselves "advocates"... a pleasant word that in no way describes their private meetings and underhanded back alley way of screwing their neighbors.
They spread rumors and lies attempting to discredit anyone who would try to stop the dictatorship they crave.
Back to me....
My first encounter with being bullied started in my own childhood home.
I come from a very dysfunctional group of people who even to this day continue to breed even more dysfunctional people. Then I continued my training with 8 years of Catholic school where I learned not only to be bullied well, but to feel guilty about it, as if it were all my fault.
High school pretty much sucked ass for me as I was a total Post Catholic School Nerd and daily punching bag not only for jocks but other Fat kids and would be potheads.
Once out of school the wonderful world of workplace bullies began a parade across my ass, then as if I didn't get harassed enough.. I joined the military.
I just KNEW the military wouldn't bully me.. LOL
Keep in mind that before during and after my time in the Air Force, I was married to my wonderful ex wife, who if she had kept an average, most likely slapped my face at least once a day for 7 yrs. She herself a victim of a Bully Mother.
One failed relationship after another, learning more and more about the real me, and not what the world thought was the real me. I learned really fast that if most people THOUGHT I was a mean and potentially violent person, they would steer clear of me.
That image worked and kept me from the razor blades for over a decade, and then something strange happened.
I met some people who helped me see that I wasn't that big meany I had come to believe in. That I was actually a soft hearted, kind and caring person. It took many years for me to admit that I wasn't the big gruff attack bear, who's image I had worked so hard on creating. It wasn't enough though, that I just live my life peaceful and happy.
For some reason, the gods had decided that I needed to suffer this mean image a little longer.
This is where those adult bullies come back into play. Take for example the women at the daycare center up the street from where I now live. Always blocking the road and yelling at motorists driving down the hill. They're nothing but Bullies, teaching the children to be bullies. I stop to tell them to stay out of the road and I'm labeled aggressive and threatening. (that was the 1st time I stopped)
My neighbors behind our home. They fight to stop us from having hikers off the AT from staying in our back yard, because they don't want the dirty hikers to lower their property value. They work to prevent another neighbor from building a new home on an existing foundation, because it's next to their yard and they just don't want neighbors that close. They decide it's ok to build decks all over the back of their house, without permits and violating building codes, but call the mayor when we add an extension to an existing platform on our back hill.
These are just TWO of the Bullies in this sleepy little town.
Extremely disheartened by finding myself living in a politically motivated town FULL of two faced, sad individuals, I turn my attention to animal rescue and avoid and ignore all town related drama.
The dogs NEVER question my attention. They offer me total trust and unquestionable love. How could this be anything but right? Even the saddest day in rescue would be better than being accused of violence or being threatened.
Sadly, this is when I start meeting some of the most cruel and heartless bullies I've EVER met and I'm talking about other rescuers.
People that would see you harm or discontent based solely on their own jealousy and short comings. People who's focus has gone entirely off course and is no longer about the animals we help. So caught up with the vile nature of rescue work that they now project it onto their fellow rescuers. Still trying to overcome that image of big nasty Bear, I found myself the target of these people.
This forced me to focus even harder on the dogs. Dig in even deeper into this world of unconditional love, offered by every paw that you came across. Days pass, weeks pass, years come and go. Dogs arrive, they recover, they get adopted and some die.
I laugh, I cry, I meet knew wonderful people who love being loved and I'm slowly not the person I thought I was, even though there are still a few that insist I'm what they see in their mind.
48 years and I'm here. Being a dog rescuer helped me become the man I always was.
I've a heart as big as they come. I've a soul that can heal. I've cried enough tears to wash away pain from any dog I touch. I'm proud to say............
I am not a bad man.
I am not a Bully.
I am not a violent man
I'm done being YOUR punching bag.
I'm done hurting inside because you hate yourself.
I will love with abandon. I will smile on the dreariest of days.
and all the while, I will NOT be Bullied ANY longer.
Prepare yourselves for the new, improved version of the OGRE.
What I have to offer as advice.
Don't allow anyone to make you feel inferior.
Life is too short and too precious to live it with anyone that's not going to love you for the wonderful person you are!!
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