Another sad day

I'm not sure if any of you remember, but a little over a year ago we rescued a 2yr old Malamute named Takani from Freecycle.org . He was a handful for us... always chasing the cats, very alpha and ALWAYS had to be leashed. He could leap any size fence. A nice couple in Gerrardstown tried to take him in, but he turned out to be too much for them to handle.

A neighbor up the hill tried to make him hers and he not only escaped her fenced in back yard, but he bit another neighbors Daschund. (It was the doxies fault). Needless to say really, but he got returned again. I thought for sure, this dog would never get placed.

Low and behold a nice couple from down in Fort Valley responded to my ad. They had an elderly Mal and thought getting a new and younger one would ease the pain of their beloved Trooper when he eventually passed. Trooper would also assist in the training of the new guy.

Steve and I drove him all the way there and that day became the first day of the rest of Buddy's life..... So we thought!

Unfortunately, Buddy screwed that up. Apparently, he not only chases their horses, but attacked one of them. He's bitten the owner several times and just recently he caused a friend visiting them to get 15 stitches. AND, to top all that off, he's not even a Malamute..... he's a husky.

I didn't know. I was only going on what I was told when I rescued him. Apparently Huskies have a different temperament and aren't good in multiple dog homes, or around small animals that run...... or people who try to stop them from bad behavior.

So, today is a sad sad day. Today, Takani/Buddy goes to Rainbows Bridge. This evening he'll be put to sleep. After a year of working with him and having him consistently try to destroy everything and everyone around him, he's no longer safe to have around.

I'm sorry Buddy, I'm sorry that I let you down. I want to go visit him one last time, but I'm not sure if his new owners want me there. I got the feeling they feel I'm responsible... that maybe I lied about his breed and lied about his aggression. If they knew me they wouldn't think that, but if it helps to ease their pain, I'll accept the blame.

Had Buddy been that kind of aggressive... they'd have never met him, because I would have been the one to make the decision they're making today.

This evening, hug your pups.... hug them for all the good things they've ever done and hug them for Buddy. He doesn't know it yet, but he's going to a place where he can run free and get all the love he wants. Corsa bene, il mio amico, travel well.

Yes, I bitch A LOT

I was browsing the Anti-Gay website called Craigs List this morning and took a look at our local Rants n Raves section. Apparently there's some sort of uproar over the "Girls Gone Wild" bus that was parked in front of the titty bar, by the jail, next to the school in Martinsburg. Some local women felt it was obscene. Their little girls wanted to know WHY were those ladies holding their shirts up like that. Well rather than explain it to the kids, they chose to complain to have the bus removed. I guess they figure if it doesn't exist, it doesn't exist...... Idiots. Then there were those few complaining about being harassed by the local police. OMG.... stop smoking the weed and speeding and drinking while driving and the cops will leave you alone. Anyhow, I posted a Rant myself and I'm sure it'll get replies, but I could care. Here it is. Personally, I don't care that "Girls Gone Wild" had their bus sitting along the highway. Lets face facts here.... Martinsburg is a ghetto. You didn't see that bus in Charles Town or Harpers Ferry did you? Instead of complaining about it, use it as an opportunity to talk to and educate your children. Your daughters aren't going to grow up to be skanks because of a little raunchy advertising..... If that happens it will be entirely the parents attitude that caused it. As for all the complaining about the cops.... It's sad but true, there are a few officers out there who give a bad name to the rest. More sad and more true is the correlation between illiterate people and neighborhood trash. If you're going to bash the police for harassing you, at least do a spellcheck first. You'll come across more effectively and maybe.... just maybe, you'll get a little more respect. My complaint, as trivial as it is, has nothing to do with either of the two mentioned above. Why are there so damn many commercials about womens issues. "Do you feel dirty?" "Do you douche with vinegar?" "Do your menstrual cramps keep you from your normal routine?" WTF!!!!!! Why are there so many and why are they always on during dinner???? If women are "Suppose" to be so much smarter than us guys, you'd think they wouldn't need as many infomercials about how to stay clean or cover up those unsightly wrinkles. The fact is, many women are gullible and prone to believing someone cares about them, thus falling for the ads and buying their crap. I just wish I could go one evening without hearing how one little diet pill can make yet another grazing walmart customer beautiful, or how YAZ will cure your disorder. I'll end by saying this. Educate your daughters. Stop blaming everyone else for your inability to be a good parent. If you don't like the Titty bus parked there, organize a protest. Stop laying blame on elected officials... that's the cowards way out. If you don't want the police to notice you, then stop doing crap to get noticed. Don't wait until you're feeling picked on to talk to your police dept about the crack house out back of your home. Remember this, If you don't have a solution to the problem, SHUT-UP, otherwise you're part OF the problem. I'm turning my TV off.

Still kicking....

This post is more for my sanity than anything else. So much has happened in the last month plus that I'm afraid I may not be able to do it justice in one post, so I'll be working backwards to get it all written. Stay tuned.

We got Rats in the Cellar

I've always been a fan of quiet time with coffee, but up until now I never really understood why. I had just always taken for granted, those hallmarkesque moments with my coffee mug in hand. Now I make a point of rising with the sun just so I can be well on my way into cup three before the shrieking begins. OWWW.. OWWWW.... OWWWWW...OWWWWWW... Each step she takes from the bedroom to the kitchen is accompanied with what can only be described as the "Pay Attention To Me Howl" That's right... I know her feet hurt... I've been there.. I know, but the howling and shrieking has to be completely for attentions sake. I just don't understand the need for added Drama. Today, she refused to listen when I told her she needed to sit or lay down. So she stood about all morning..... fidgeting with tiny pieces of paper here, and folding receipts there and writing little tiny notes on little tiny pieces of paper that she would undoubtedly not be able to find later on...... Not be able to find and somehow lasso us into looking for. Meanwhile she'd be lying in her bed and pointing wildly into the air and yelling.... "listen to what I'm saying.... On The Cabinet NEXT to the empty pill bottles that I asked SOMEONE to put in the recycle bag days ago."

Tonight I sprinkled a half teaspoon of olive oil onto her salad. Halfway through dinner she informed me that she DID NOT want anymore olive oil on Anything. That it just tore up her stomach. I laughed and told her to eat it.... she needed oil to lube her old bones. For two hours after dinner she laid there and moaned holding her stomache like it was killing her.... popping tums like they were candy. When she finally quieted down I asked her if she was going to live... she just glared at me. I went out with the dogs for a walk later on and when I returned she was almost in tears ... saying how bad her feet hurt. Well, if she had listened to me this morning and stayed off her feet they wouldn't be causing her this much pain. Here's your ibuprofen.

The reason I'm here now is so that she can recover slowly and be recovered by the time I leave. If she forces herself to do too many things too soon, she'll only suffer a setback. I know it's hard to lay about all day and be waited on hand and foot, but she needs to do this.... Just this evening she dropped a mouse crumb on the floor while eating and made this big todo over it. Tom started to jump up and get it for her..... I told nim NO, to sit back down.... that we didn't clean up from under the highchair until she was completely done eating. My humor is so completely lost on them both.

Tomorrow is a new day. I'm putting her on the "new puppy pee schedule". Two hours in and an hour out. That's two hours either in bed or sitting idle in a chair. The hour out can be standing for no more than two 15 minute periods. The other half of that hour can be seated and working. I just gave the new schedule to them both.... It goes into effect tomorrow. Wish me luck......

Oh, I need to buy more Olive Oil!

Lifes Little Lessons

Day 4. I realize being sick and laid up in bed can be very aggravating and stressful to the person who has to lay there. I also realize that being sick can cause those same people to reflect more on the "bad" outcome of their illness. However, being the logically minded person I am..... I have to disagree with some of their conclusions. Cheerios will not cause your knees to hurt. Food in general is NOT the cause of your severe stomach cramps... especially when I'm feeding you two teaspoons of rice every hour. (Your stomach issues are because you're starving) During recovery the patient should listen to the person who drove 18 hours to take care of them..... RIGHT?? Is is against the law to tie the Mother-in-law to her bed? Is it immoral to suggest duct tape as a means of acquiring some silence and less argumentative complaining. I guess I just don't understand human thinking. Dogs are much easier to work with. Patient:

My Cholesterol levels are all screwed up." "One of the side effects of one of the pills I take is sore muscles and back pain, so I'm not taking that one anymore." "I do want to take more of my high blood pressure meds though, so double my next dose." "For dinner tonight I want tuna with boiled eggs and a little wedge.... I MEAN LITTLE Wedge of mozzarella cheese."

Me:

Here's your Dinner....

Patient:

"I'm not hungry.... my stomach hurts...." "hand me the scissors"

Me:

WTH????

Patient:

"It's cold in here... turn off the ceiling fan". "I can't lay in this bed anymore.... OOOOUUUCCCCHHHHHH "My back hurts.... and I'm hot now" "Are you two going to eat and just leave me to find my own?"

Me:

WTH????

I don't guess it's all that bad. The house is air-conditioned. Dash n Roux aren't allowed in the house, but they have a great patio to lay on. It's covered and all screened in. They come into my room at night to sleep. I'm gonna take them to the beach one day this week.... maybe tonight. No matter how aggravating certain situations are or certain people might be in the upcoming weeks.... I have to keep reminding myself that I can walk out and go for a drive. I can eat watever I want without stomach pain. I Can Poop. It's only for 11 more days and I will be headed back home. Just 5 days and 7+hrs from now Steve will join me here and I can take a break. I will say this.... If one more christian calls here and prays for her on speaker phone.... I may be ill. This much god and goodness has to be some sort of southern style torture. I need liquor...Anybody have any suggestions?!?!?!?

Happy Birthday JR!!!!

Wow, it's been FIVE years!!! Sometimes it feels like it's been only a few months and at other times much much longer, but it's been exactly 5 years since JR came into our lives. Racing around the beltway at 2am, hoping to get down county in time. Going unmentionable speeds on a holiday weekend and praying those doughnuts had been delivered so we would be free of the PoPo. We made it to St mary's with time to spare. In fact.... we coulda slept a little longer...... NOT!!! LOL!!! 6:32am 7.9lbs How could something so small cause such a large lump in my chest. I'll never forget the way I felt holding my grandson for the first time. I waited till last to hold him, because now I could hold him as long as I wished and hold him I did. Studying his tiny fingers.... his tiny....tiny....tiny little eyelashes already curling and his pouty lips that would forever be the one thing that would melt my heart. Laying there in my arms, each breath new like the first ray of light at the beginning of time. My life was starting over again. Everything I had known... everything I had ever done would forever be changed from this moment forward. There would be a new meaning and driving force behind every decision in my life. My Grandson had made this all possible..... the fragile life I cradled there in my two hands were worth giving my life for. Positive I would soon pass out from pure joy, it was time to hand this beautiful baby back to his mother. The daughter who had always brought me such joy herself had unknowingly made me the happiest I had ever been in my life. As I stood, I really did think about running with him from the hospital, but that was more of a sarcastic funny in my head than reality. I laid that little bundle of precious cargo back in his mothers arms and for the first time felt I wasn't worthy to have held him. Such powerful emotions can cause some men to turn to god...... I of course, just looked upon the glowing face of my beautiful daughter and her child, and knew I was already looking upon the most ethereal scene my mortal eyes could behold. We left the hospital after saying our goodbyes and witnessing possibly the most touching exchange of tenderness and love between two new parents that I've ever seen. Cathy and Bobby cried together over their newly arrived love. I will forever remind them of that moment.... it's worth remembering. All the sadness and hate in the world can't take away something that's true and deep. Hang onto your love and know you can always look upon your son as a reminder. Happy Birthday JR. I hope one day you know just how much joy you've brought into our lives!!

His Arrival Announcement and More!!

Fortunately, I was blessed by the gods, because I always had the time to keep JR whenever Cathy (my daughter, his mom) needed an emergency babysitter. From daycare being closed to Daycare providers on crack to just plain ole daycare Issues.... I made sure I was available. When JR came to stay here... it was always for at least a week.

I know it was hard on his Mom and that's partly the reason I have close to 5000 pics of him. JR first stayed with us when he was only 3 months old. We only had the one crib at the time and since it was upstairs and we sleep downstairs, we set him up in a dresser drawer. It was the perfect size and Blaze our big ole beast of a dog laid right beside him all night.

The changes that have taken place in this house because of JR are huge. From building a two tiered patio with a secure fence outside to the simplest things like getting used to that little stool I keep tripping over. I would probably only change one thing and that would be to have them live closer. 3 hours really is too far away. How can JR be here every day if he has to travel that far!!!!

His first visit here, I laid him on this counter while I fixed dinner. It's still his spot today. As small as my kitchen is, this is his corner. Even when he's 6ft tall..... this'll be his corner. Here he is mastering applesauce.

Bubbles are a joy for any kid.... JR's had it in multiple forms. We've got Jumbo Bubbles to bubble machines. His screams of joy and intoxicating laughter were worth every penny spent on bubbles. Let's not forget all the dogs he entertained with those bubble too. He learned real fast that puppies like to chase floating things and there's ALWAYS puppies here it seems.

As much fun as those first few years were.... we had to let go of the baby and embrace the inquisitive toddler which lasted .... seems like a few weeks.... before he became the all knowing and all powerful teenager he acts like today. Again, I say we're fortunate, because as mature as he tries to convince us he is, he's still a little boy that once in awhile needs a band-aid and a hug, and as rugged and bump proof as he may appear to be....... he's still has a tender side.

Happy Birthday Little Man!! I hope you're having the best one ever!!! See you soon.... Miss you lots!! Always remember, Gramps and Doc "heart" you too!!!! More Pics

The Unforgiven

Before you read this I want you to know something. I was never the person you're about to hear. I was turned into this person by a mean, hateful and unhappy person. She killed my spirit and caused me more pain in my life than one man should ever have to bear. My anger and bitterness runs deep. However, wanting to be the change I want to see in the world, I have to vent this in order to overcome it. I am tired of suffering this hurt. I realize there are many stories of absent fathers and the horrible things they've done to their families. I am tired of being a class victim of this stereotype. We are not all alike. Most often there are two sides to every story. Before you place judgement, listen.

Dear Bitter one, Your anger started in your childhood. You were a victim of an incestuously retarded mother. She blamed you, she hated you, she called you an ugly child. You were never good enough and although you were completely unaware of it, she was jealous of everything you were. A life of being screamed at, beaten and made feel unworthy, turned you into the hateful contemptuous bitch you are today. Your anger killed your spirit. Victimized by a pitiful cunt of a mother your aggressive nature consumed your life and everyone in it. Friends tolerated you for as long as they could. Boyfriends used you and left. I stayed for as long as I could possibly tolerate your venom. You screamed at and beat me almost daily. Your anger so great and so overwhelming it blinded you to how horrible your existence really was. Years of unhappiness, blamed on everything and everyone you met, but never yourself. You killed me. You took the happiness out of my life. Those that could see you for what you truly were tried to tell me to leave, but based on some spiritual commitment, I stayed..... and I suffered. One after another the children came. Your only possible way of keeping a relationship. With each babys arrival, meant another year or two of spousal abuse. You got too comfortable though and in the end your mean natured ways chased me away. Foolishly I thought I was free from your nastiness. You used our children. You turned your anger on them and denied them happiness and their father. You infected them with the same cruel life that was inflicted on you by your own pathetic mother. You took it a step farther. You subjected them to alcoholic sexual predators.... and denied it. You truly are an example of what goes wrong when relatives breed. I thought for years I was the cause of your unhappiness. I had tried so hard to take you and keep you away from the mother you said you hated so much. I denied the lifestyle that haunted me since childhood. I endured years of emotional, physical and psychological abuse from you. I suffered through 7 courtroom battles, just to see my children. Before I was ever allowed to speak to my children I was forced to listen to your vile ranting. Eventually I stopped calling them, but that's what you wanted.... anything to hurt me... to hurt them. Nobody in your life was allowed to be happy if you weren't. You're nothing but a self absorbed selfish Bitch. I missed so much of my childrens lives growing up. You and your Old She-Devil of a mother blamed me. How could I endure any more of your abuse? You hid your evilness behind a slew of equally emotionally disturbed boyfriends, while your hateful mother shrouded her loathsome and malicious behavior with the apparition of christianity. Years went by, birthdays and holidays were never celebrated with me. Even Fathers Day eluded me. Somehow, according to you and your trusted advisor, I wasn't qualified. Fortunately time is always the friend of the innocent. Our kids grew up and they grew up hating you, resenting you and most of all not trusting you. You gave them grief and sadness, hate and discontent. You filled their heads with lies and when they needed it most, you denied them love. You're still angry and You are to blame. You've had so many years to see what happened and make a change. You've had years of opportunity to say you're sorry to those you hurt, but you insist you did nothing wrong. I feel such pity for you. Of all the things you took from me and our children...... all the pain we've endured by your hand and your screaming..... the thing that upsets me the most is the sense that all hope is lost. Hope that one day, you would release the demons that controlled you and try to just be happy. I love my children and I know they love me. I may not have been there for them from time to time, but at least I was honest enough to apologize. I'll grow old with no regrets, because I can forgive you. I just hope when the time comes, that you can forgive yourself.