My Difference

For some time now, I've been beating myself up for not posting on this blog. I've once again allowed the daily dribble of Facebook to lure me away like the 010101010101010101 siren of some future world. I've been trapped in it's web of insincerity's and niceties and fleeting moments of absurd friendships. As much as it will defeat any attempt to break free, I will post this, so anyone with more than a minute between funny comments or serious causes, can get just a glimpse of what shattered my heart..... this time. Driven by a sadness that's too large for FB and it's endless " :-( " and "sorry's", I came here to tell my sorrow. I needed something more than a caring shoulder or another "understanding" response. I needed closure. Many of you know, I fill most of my time doing dog rescue. This involves taking mostly dogs that nobody else wants..... even other rescues. In the last several weeks, I've taken in over 20 dogs/puppies. Many were adopted, some went to another rescue, some were just being fostered and went back to the shelter once they were actually old enough to Be adopted. Some did Not make it. This is about those three. Dooley The first time I heard about this guy was in an email I received from the people who found him. They had been out for a walk through their neighborhood and spotted this 9/10 month old pup hiding in the woods. It appeared that his foot was injured. They took him in and tried to find his owners. After having no luck with that, they reluctantly called Animal Control who responded and took the dog. The family immediately took it upon themselves to contact many of the local rescues, asking if someone would please help this fella, because he was So sweet and would most likely, being a pitbull and injured, be put to sleep at the pound. I went to AC and there he was, all goofy and lovable and just wanting to sit as close to and as much on top of ANYONE as possible. The next day I had him xray'd and sure enough, his foot which seemed to cause him no pain at all, was completely broken, right behind the knuckles. He was placed in a cast and while he was out.... neutered. A week into his recovery, his cast started rubbing, so I took him back to have his cast altered and he was fine, except he had developed a cough. This was the same cough that many of the other dogs in my home had developed and were being treated for. Housing dogs that usually come to me with no vaccinations, I'm always prone to one or two being sick, but this week, I had 9. So Dooley started the same medication the others had been taking. He was also on some meds for any pain he may have had for his foot, so when he started not being so rambunctious, it didn't concern me too much. Four days into his meds, he quit eating, but so had several of the other dogs during their recovery. Never more than one day though, so again it appeared normal. Day 5 and he was getting dehydrated, so I gave him sub Q fluids. His temp had spiked to 106, but an hour after the fluids it was down to 103. Two + hours later, Dooley laid over in the floor, gave two sharp gasps for air and was dead.

I've never had a dog die in the middle of my living room. Much less a dog that didn't appear to be that sick. This bouncy out of control bundle of happy licks and goofy exuberance was lying limp in my arms and there was nothing I could do to bring him back. My first thought and lingering feelings were what had I done wrong?What did I not see? How could I have prevented this? I called the Vet Hospital emergency number and arranged to meet them there with Dooley's body. They would need to get samples to find out what it was that took this little man from us. I'll miss you Dooley. You were a fun Pup. You sneaked those kisses to Annie that made her growl, but never in a serious way. You never understood when I was yelling at you for jumping the gate, that I was upset. You were always happy and wanted me to pet your head. I tried fella, and I hope you didn't suffer. I hope too, that if this was my fault in any way, that you forgive me. You go and run free of broken legs and broken feet. Breath clean air and bark all you want. Big hugs to you, Dooley. Tula, Tula was a stray that ended up in the care of Animal control. Her story isn't as dramatic as Dooley's. She had stayed her time at AC and was due to be PTS. I don't care how old or aggressive or injured an animal is, no dog deserves to die on a cold shelter floor, So I hooked a leash to the old girl and brought her home. At first I thought she might just need some gettin used to the other beasts here and that her grumbling and growling would pass. Sadly, it didn't. Tula checked out at the vet.

All negatives on her blood work and a fresh rabies vaccine and she was ready for adoption. Problem was finding someone who wanted and Senior Beagle who really wanted to be an only child. Tula would go out in the morning, dig a hole under the swing on our patio and lay there all day. She would come in at night, head for her bed under the table and lay there all night. This would have been the perfect arrangement, except that sometimes in between, she would wander around picking fights with the other dogs. Last Friday, she picked a fight with Annie, and she lost. You don't go into a bar and kick the biggest guy in there and not get your butt whooped. Tula did just that. Annie let go of Tula as soon as I told her to, but the damage was done and my decision was made. This was one old gal that wouldn't be getting adopted. Seriously old and grumpy and not social at all. There was also the occasional snap at human hands too, but that wasn't nearly as bad as her attitude to other k9's.

So today, Tula left for Rainbows Bridge. She can run and play and dig all the holes she wants to now. It was a difficult decision to carry out, because I wanted her remaining time to be a little longer than a couple weeks. Unfortunately fate gave her a different hand than I had in mind.

Zorro, This little spark plug was my first exchange student. Three dogs I had managed to get my hands on went to Briggs Adoption Center. CeCe, the Shih Tzu, Suzie Q, the Lhasa Apso, and Jersey, the Chihuahua all were accepted by Briggs and in exchange, I took Zorro. This guy was 9 yrs old and abandoned by his idiot owner. The guy got a Doberman to "protect" his property and instead it started picking on Zorro. Well Zorro didn't respond well to shelter life. He was a nervous wreck and would spin all day and stopped eating and was losing weight. So, he came here to see if living in a home would benefit his health. At first we thought he was just nervous, but after getting bitten several times I thought maybe he simply didn't like me, then he started sitting in my lap, but I still wasn't allowed to handle him... I was just a perch. Then he started running after and nipping our friends. Then it became impossible to even pick him up. I worked with him every day and discovered if I gently approached him and placed my hands between his two front legs, I could pick him up and hold him temporarily, but as soon as I would go to move him he would scratch me while leaping from my arms, snapping at me as well. His agressive biting was so sporadic and unpredictable. Nobody wanted to handle him after awhile. Three days ago, Zorro quit eating. He wouldn't even eat treats. I tried to hold him last night and he bit the crap out of my hand. Today, Zorro left with Tula and joined Dooley. As much as I thought he had potential, the potential for him to bite an adopter or their child was too great a possibility and liability. If Zorro had been a 70 pound pitbull this decision would have never been debated. As sad as I am for having to make it, I am equally sure it was the right thing to do. Now he doesn't ever have to worry about being picked up the wrong way or ever having to bite in fear again. Live your afterlife in Peace my little temporary friend.

We did manage to spend some quality time together. He would lay next to my computer in the morning and watch me type. He liked being up higher than the other dogs. I guess he felt safe up there over top of their heads. Well now he can spread his little wings and fly above them all. And so there you have it. Doesn't sound like too much to deal with, but this on top of all the other dogs and all the sickness and life's crap in general..... I'm hollow. My heart is not broken because it's gone. I feel nothing in there and I'm sure nothing is beating within my chest but echos of compasion. I chose to do this work and yes, some of you have said how "you're so strong", "I don't know how you do it", "you're a saint", but the bottom line is this. I'm not making the difference I thought I could make. The dogs still die and sometimes in my care. The vet bills are high and sadly only get paid when i can pop out a litter of cute pups for adoption. I'm feeding the same system that dumped these old unwanted dogs on me. I'm part OF the problem. I'm starting to believe we shouldn't HAVE shelters. Maybe shelters and rescues and pounds are only enabling a system that's flawed.

Then I turn around and I see the big warm loving eyes of the ones that are still here. I feel their soft fur and wet kisses and I know, I'm just in pain and they lick it all away. There'll be more adoptions, there'll be more rescues..... there'll be more deaths. I loved these three dogs like I still love the ones remaining, and that's the difference I needed to make. That's my closure. They didn't leave this world unloved.

Another Sad Rescue Ending

September 14th I made the drive to Preston County WV Animal Shelter to pick up two pregnant dogs that were part of a hoarders home where there were 70+ dogs running loose. Schipperke Mixes they called them. All the dogs looked the same and weighed between 30 - 40 lbs. It was an inbreeding frenzy. One of those dogs, Millie had already had her pups prematurely and they only lived 2 days. The other dog, Rocket was very pregnant and managed to go full term and not deliver hers until the 1st of Oct. October 1 2010, Rocket gave us 4 beautiful little babies. Three looked just like her and then there was the beautiful blond one. Two girls and two boys and they appeared to all be healthy. Since we had named the Mama, Rocket, we thought we'd name the babies AFTER rockets. So we had Atlas, Titan, Ares and Ariane. Atlas of course also carried the name Joe since our neighbor Joe Frost's birthday was the same day. He then became AJ. The first couple weeks went well and then we noticed Ariane wasn't eating and losing weight. In 4 days she was dead. She was just 4 weeks old when she left us. I thought it could be a resurface of the Giardia from earlier in the summer brought to us by the Pitbull puppy mill raid, but we were unsure. So we medicated and bottle fed to make sure the remaining three stayed healthy and continued putting on weight. Titan, AJ and Ares were quickly becoming fat little furballs. Then around week 6 Titan started getting sick, so did AJ. We were on top of it. Everything possible for two tiny little pups to keep them hydrated and thriving. AJ perked up right away, but Titan struggled and barely clung to life for the next two weeks. Sadly on the 2nd of dec at just 9 weeks old, Titan succumbed to his poor health and left us to join his sister Ariane.

Now I was really worried and pretty much took AJ and Ares off the market. I needed to know for sure they were healthy before I allowed anyone else to become attached to them. I planned on keeping them for several more weeks while we watched and medicated and fed and coddled these two surviving pups. AJ and Ares just had to make it.... They were too sweet to not survive. Fifteen weeks old, AJ went to his new home. I could finally breathe relief. He wasn't only healthy, but he was a super awesome little guy. So cute and handsome at the same time. Vaccinated and neutered and ready for his new family. Yay Atlas Joe!!

Now to find a home for Ares. Three different adoption fell through for this sweet angel and she's getting huge now. Before long she'll be adult size!!! It'll happen though.. I know it will.

So with AJ adopted and Ares advertised, I turned my focus on Mama Rocket who by this time had healed up pretty well and was ready for spaying.

Hopefully this would take the edge off her aggressive behavior. We'd noticed her mean biting episodes with a few of the other dogs. Even the Pitbulls were afraid of her. A few times I found bite marks and all were from Rocket. She wasn't exactly the friendliest to humans either, well she was with me, but they all are. I never really thought she would be capable of what was about to take place.

January 24th i took Annie and Rocket in to have them spayed.

Rocket went rabid on the veterinary staff. She had to be caught with a pole, muzzled and quickly drugged. Her behavior was so bad and SO aggressive, I made the decision before she was spayed to have her PTS. This was just a culmination of a sad chain of events caused by the irresponsible and neglectful behavior of a hoarder.

I'm sorry Rocket, but now you're with your babies and your running free and you never have to protect your food again. Be happy and free little lady.

A summary of my chaotic life since Aug 2010

A little bit of a catch up since August of 2010.

I started my own non profit.... what a fricking headache that was... O M G's!! I figured since I was doing the work I might at well make it a business. Now I'm swamped...

August brought me 28 dogs n puppies. 16 adoptions. 2 deaths.

Well, Moses didn't die this month, but his ashes returned. We did lose Emma though. (congestive heart failure) RIP girlie. She died in my arms while I held her in the waiting room of the hospital. Rocky came to us this month hairless from Mange and started his journey to recovery.... YAY! We took in Ren Fair with Jon n Steph and saw lots of Boobies!! I had 3 vehicle appts and 2 home maintenance appts. Seven Vet appts and visited Animal control a minimum of 9 times. We also had a WONDERFUL visit from Tammy n Kenny and their 4 beautiful little ladies. It was only 3 days though.... not nearly long enough in my book. That was August.

Then came Sept. Well, there was a significant carry-over between the months. On the 31st of Aug... Annies pups were born. Perhaps the most beautiful litter of blue pitties to ever breathe. The same day they arrived, so did miss Sophia with her 8 babies. Sophia only stayed here a week before she moved on to HART rescue. So,

8 dogs n pups arrive. 11 dogs adopted. 2 pups died.

Millies pups were premature and only survived 2 days. Steve was gone from the 3rd to the 16th on a business trip and while he was away I had the privilege of conducting the wedding ceremony for Katie n Jerome. My first wedding and it was beautiful. That weekend, my niece VA stayed here to watch the critters and when I returned from down county, I brought with me my grandson to stay overnight. He went back with my niece. One of our hens laid this month too... YAY!!! Fresh Eggs!!! I got to have dinner one evening with a really awesome couple, Chris n Kelley and their handsome little boy Jack. I took Mogley the Neo with me and he was a saint the whole visit. That was Sept.

Then came October My favorite House/doggie sitters came back this month, which allowed me and Steve to go to Boston for a vacay!! I had never been and I loved it there. Thanks Guys!!

8 new arrivals this month Pups n Dogs (Rocket had her babies) 4 adoptions 2 deaths.

We lost Pearl and little Ariane. RIP Ladies. Annies pups turn 8 weeks old this month and the adoption chaos has begun.

I had two vehicle inspections. 7 vet appts 4 home visits

This month I also had my 1st Foster start for me. Maja took Rocky in now that he's no longer contagious. Yay Rocky!! Rocky also got adopted this month and is super happy with his forever family. That was October.

Then Came November Wow, November........

8 new dogs 11 adoptions Only 1 death.

Poor little Titan struggle for weeks and we finally did the humane thing. He's at rest now with his sister Ariane. 16 vet visits this month. (all spay/neuters or surgery) Steve skipped outta town again for 4 days.... he should know by now that leaves me unmonitored... LOL! Two of the pit pups, Jake n Elwood returned for a Vacay. While they were here, they too visited the vet... neutering and such. Our biggest event this month was when those super doggie sitters Va, Mike n Chris came back to celebrate Thanksgiving with us and then hung out for the weekend so Steve and I could go to New Hampshire for a friends wedding. It was held at a lodge in the mountains and it snowed while we were there. Yes, there may have been a little too much drinking, but hey.....! Congrats Gabor and Anna!! I started ordering my rescue drugs in bulk this month. That was November

Then Came December...

32 pups n dogs arrived.... mostly new pups The 6, 3 day old pit pups. Queenie's 8 pups. Minnie's 3 pups. Erin's 10 pups. 1 Adoption... slow month, but a GREAT Adoption. This was Ripley!!! 12 pups died...

The 6 pitties who were left in the freezing cold in a box. We just couldn't save them. 3 of Queenie's babies and 3 of Erins. Not good. :-( We also had to put Fletch down because of his aggressive behavior.... Poor baby. It was a suck-ass human that made him that way.= Crystal also came to us this month. An all white pittie and only 30lbs. We're gonna do everything we can to save this girl. Xmas came and XMAS WENT!!!! The kids started arriving on tues and would all be with us through New Years. What wonderful chaos this would be!!! A house full of dogs n puppies n kids!!! Erin arrived emergency style on the 28th. She delivered on the 30th starting labor at 3:30 am. 14 hours of labor later I thought she was done and went to bed. Another arrived during the night. This old gal will NEVER go through this again. Fortunately for me, I have an AWESOME daughter who helped me and who also cooked dinner for everyone. I think it was my blood hands that made them want to keep me from the kitchen and that I kept threatening Placenta sausage for dinner.

Anyway.... the year ended and a new one began. Although it all sort of melted together in a chain of happy and some unfortunate events..... it's life and if I've learned anything, it's to enjoy every moment, because you NEVER know when it will be taken away from you........ and trust me, it will be taken away. That was Dec and 2010

Stay tuned for January..... it's looking pretty promising.

The sadness within and why

I really am starting to get a little burned out. Today Crystal died. She'd been on fluids in the hospital for three days. Started vomitting again and the meds weren't working. She weighed 27lbs Poor baby. I held her in my arms while her heart stopped and she left this cruel world. Another dog gone from this earth while under my watch, I realize for the past few weeks she had a great life... warm bed good food and lots of loving, but I failed her.... at least I feel like I did. I picked up Kati from BCHS (humane society) this morning. She had a single pup in the shelter that died and they asked me to help. Took her for an xray... no more pups. I tried to get her to let a few of the pups I have here now, nurse on her, but she just growled and walked away. I wanted to keep her while she mourned the loss of her baby, but her barking an howling were upsetting the other mamas in the house, so I returned her to the shelter. She'll get a dopted... she's beautiful. I drove over to BCAC (animal control) and picked up a beautiful English Bulldog. Found running about town and never claimed, the AC officers had sorta claimed her as their mascot, but I knew someone who wanted her and would give her a great home. Since it was me they let her go. Why would they trust me? All the dogs I take die. I dropped of the bulldog and headed home. I really am sad these days and can't shake it. If I could express it, I might be able to let it go, but it just hangs inside my chest like a huge lump, sucking the air and the life out of me. This evening, BCHS called again.... A 14 yr old little terrier mix was giving birth on the shelter floor. I was on my way. When I got there she was stuck trying to have the third pup. I had to assist and that pup was already dead. Numbers 4 and 5 quickly followed. I dried them off, wrapped them up and headed home with them all. The poor Mama, is so beat... I can't image what it must be like giving birth to 5 pups at the ripe old age of 70. They're all warm now and resting peacefully. I was just about to go to bed and started my normal round of puppy checks. Damn it... Erin has squashed another of her pups. She laid completely on top of him and he suffocated. This was the biggest male of the litter. How many more of her babies will die before I just quit and give her to another rescue. Tomorrow.... what will you bring me? Sadness prevails and grips my heart like a vice. Take this sorrow and cast it aside, so that joy can flood my soul. I need joy.

August 6th thru 14th

I finally figured it out.... Freakin Headphones!!! That's how I block out the phone that keeps ringing the dogs that keep barking the overwhelming sadness that follows waiting to jump me like some rabid dog plotting it's attack.

Call me fatalistic, say I'm a drama queen...... I don't care... it never goes this well for this long.

Something is bound to bring it all crashing to the bottom of the barrel I'm oh so familiar with.

I guess until that happens, I'll keep smiling and I'll keep doing what I do, because I do it so well.

My last post here was in August right after the raid on the Pit puppy mill in Martinsburg,

I look back at my calendar and I see I've been a little busy, but how do I blog it? What's important enough in my life to warrant writing about it.

How in the hell would I even fit it all into one post......OMG!!

So I'll write about it one week at a time.

This post is August 6th to the 14th

I took 5 of the "raid" pups to the vet for a checkup.

We were there for so long, all the pups fell asleep on the table.

We also got seen by Dr Morton... not really impressed by her.

Took what results we got to BCAC and headed home with stinky babies.

The pups are not well. They're thin and vomiting with diarrhea. It's impossible to give them enough fluids.

Friday evening I took Clancy to his new family.

What a terrific fit this is for him. They love him and his new dad is short and stocky too!!! LOL!

Shadow also found a terrific family to call her own.

From being the only dog of a single man to a new Mom and two kids.

She'll be the most spoiled dog ever before long.

Way to go shadow!!! Griz got her stitches out this week. No more kittens for her and no more cats for us.

This has been a learning experience for us. One kitty cat can seriously change the dynamic of this home.... Not good.

The puppies are very sick. I returned 5 of them to Animal Control. They went directly to the hospital and were put on IV fluids. Sunday morning we only had 4. I'm sorry baby girl, we tried but we were too late getting you out of that horrible place.

While I was at AC, I saw this lady. Annie!!!

She's pregnant and an absolute pill. Of course I brought her home and if the county gets control of the dogs soon we'll have her spayed and end the pregnancy.

Just got a call from Clancy's new family. He's in the hospital with parvo.... OMG. My stomach is sick. Such a sweet little fella and now he's on a drip in a hospital somewhere and the worst part is in their moment of despair, the couple who adopted him and are in absolute love with him, blame me. Her words...."Your neglect and improper handling of Clancy has caused this. How many other dogs are you going to try and kill before you stop what you're doing"?

I understand their pain.

So in 7 days.... 15 pups pulled from Pit Raid, 5 returned, 1 died. Shadow and Clancy adopted. Clancy diagnosed with Parvo and hospitalized. Annie pulled into rescue. 5 total trips to the vet and 3 trips to Animal Control.

I love what I do, but sometimes it's a little much. I sat this afternoon and talked with Moses.

I know he's listening, I can feel him near me. The tears still come easy at times and fortunately I have plenty of willing takers when I need to hug a puppy. What will next week bring?

Fragrance of the Morning

Wednesday, 4 Aug. 2010 It began like any other day would in a sleepy little town in WV. The smell of coffee and breakfast wafting from somewhere deep in the tree covered hillside. This, however, would be the last time local residents would wake to such a sweet fragrance. Today was the day the puppies came to town. No more could the smell of eggs n bacon dominate the breeze. No more would passersby close their eyes and inhale, immediately taken back to some childhood memory of Mom in the kitchen. Instead, tourists would run..... residents left on unscheduled vacations and even birds who once flew overhead changed migratory patterns, leave for the swarming Vultures. Had the Apocalypse come? Few knew the cause of the noxious fumes. Even fewer dare pass the garden gate to see first hand, what had caused such mayhem. Even FEWER would dare tell....... for NOBODY wanted to share the beautiful babies that had drawn them here. 16 beautiful baby Pits. Part of a Raid on a local breeder. 94 dogs seized, 86 of them pits and over half of them puppies. All I got was 16. The fowl smell... the diarrhea.... the circling vultures... it's all temporary. Poop will harden and diets will improve and puppies will get adopted. Before long, the smell of bacon will once again be the fragrance of the morning.

Gettin Crazy Again!!

Nacho, as in Not Yo Dog, was here with us for all of two days.

Labeled aggressive, he was about to be the next one killed by BCHS, when I yanked him outta there. Yes, he's sometimes snippy with certain people... SO AM I!! Duh, we don't have to like everyone!!

Since Nacho didn't need any rehabbing, I advertised him right away.

Right away I received a reply from Nacho's new Mama. Of course I didn't know that at the time, but after Nacho and I met her, I knew. He's as happy as a little pig in mud now with his two bigger and older new siblings. Good Luck Nacho!!

This little lady weighs about 4 bags of sugar and is just as sweet. She's been at the pound since July 7th, which is unheard of. Most dogs picked up by animal control are put down in that amount of time unless adopted. Shadow was a special case though. Her owner was what they call an unattended death, which means, someone found him dead. He was found with Shadow next to him and a cat as well. The AC Staff, just couldn't put her down, so they did all they could do to keep her out of the system and unnoticed. Well, yesterday, I went to meet this unfortunate yet lucky little lady. She lives with me now. I'm not sure what I was thinking. It wasn't like I would get there and say no once I saw her, knowing her story. I brought the little angel home.... introduced her outside to my herd of dogs and let them all inside. All the dogs ran into the house and into the dog room. Shadow ran straight for Moses's crate hidden in the corner behind the sofa. In the crate, turned around and looked back out at me. What The Hell???

I forgot to say how after I picked up Shadow, I went to get Moses's ashes. When I got in the car, I introduce Moses to Shadow, put the box of ashes on Moses's bed and drove home. Now Miss Shadow is sitting in Moses's crate and freaking me out a little. Even last night when she wasn't laying on the sofa, she would lay in front of the crate. Is this little girl so connected to death now that any existing energy from it draws her to it? I don't know what it was. I chose to believe it was a sign from Moses that she was ok, because He HATED any dog near his crate. He hated a lot of things, but especially being bothered by other dogs. I'm still going to look for a forever home for Miss Shadow, but until it comes along.... Welcome Home little lady!! Now for the crazy news. While I was at Animal Control... I overheard conversation of a Puppy Mill bust that may be going down. 83 Pitbulls in all... mostly puppies living in a doublewide trailer. OMFG!! This day n age... that kind of thing should NOT be happening and now here I was hearing it first hand. So, today, I go to pick up the litter that I'll be fostering.... maybe two. Yes, A Mama Pit and her 4 - 6 week old babies on top of the 7 dogs I already have here... LOL!!!

The Doggy Rescue World didn't stop revolving Moses. I still miss you buddy, and I will for a long time, but Daddy's got to stay busy and these babies need me just as much as you once did. Check in sometime around sunday when I'm pulling out what's left of my hair!!! I'm sure that MY trip to CRAZY will be a short one!!